These Small Hours...

Here's what I wrote yesterday but didn't get to post:


Things are a little crazy, so I haven’t blogged much. But it’s a good crazy. I’ve been lunching with Flic and spending the night with Lauren and Gracie…kind of flowing with the go…wherever the next moment takes me. I needed to run a couple more errands yesterday and had planned to take Mattie for ice cream, so Lauren and Gracie came along and we ended up eating Dippin’ Dots at the mall, which I’ve always planned to do at some point :)

It was about like I expected…nice for the experience, in Lauren’s words, but not exactly what I’d call “The Ice Cream of the Future.” After all, it was the Ice Cream of the Future at least nine years ago when I first saw it.

We’ve just been swimming. Earlier I was at the church on my computer while Mom and Mattie did their cleaning job. I felt bad for not helping, but apparently not bad enough to help…

I needed to get on the internet with my laptop (which I can’t do at home), so I took that opportunity. I actually bought music on Itunes for the first time ever…a very novel experience. I loved getting to just pick out songs, I just wish that I could get them on my mp3 player now. One song went on, but not the three I liked best.



For some reason I got more frustrated and upset over that than anything else I’ve dealt with in the past few days. I think I'm worn out. Anyway, I spent the swimming time trying to take deep breaths and be thankful for everything the Lord has provided for me the last couple of days. He’s so good…

Of the four songs I got, two were by Rob Thomas, someone I’d never really heard, except that one of his songs (which I bought) was at the end of Meet the Robinsons, and I’ve been enchanted with it since I heard it :) It’s called “Little Wonders.” And then I got “Ever the Same.” He’s a secular artist, but those two songs have really good lyrics, and I love his voice.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot more about that sneaky, scary word “goodbye” since Flic confronted me with it on Wednesday when we were together.



“So have you started saying goodbye yet?” she asked. “No…” I really thought I was going to be goodbying my head off, as in, preparing myself mentally a whole lot…I said I would never be the person who blocks it out because they don’t want to feel it. But now, not only do I understand why people do that (and the good reasons behind it), I’m doing it myself. It seems like the most logical, easy way to leave. At the same time, though, I can’t stand the thought of not saying a definite goodbye before I go. I just want to postpone it.

It’s definitely a lot easier to leave than to be left, I grant that. Ouch. I have to feel for my friends and family members who not only will miss me, but would really like to be flying away themselves. I live with the go-ingest people ever. In a few years, we’ll probably all over the planet.

But it dawned on me Wednesday as I was driving home that I can’t stop time. I can’t reverse it. I can only embrace the future as it comes, minute by minute. I love this future. I love this present. I’m very happy here. But I have to do as the song suggests and...

“Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder,
Dontcha know
The hardest part is over,
Let it end
Let your clarity define you in the end
We will only just remember how it feels


All lives are made in these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away, but these small hours
These small hours still remain


Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Till you feel it all around you
I don’t mind
If it’s me you need to turn to
We’ll get by
It’s the heart that really matters
In the end

All of my regret will wash away somehow,
But I cannot forget the way I feel right now

In these small hours these little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate..."

-Rob Thomas (if he's the one who wrote it)

I can't go back and I don't really want to. I can't stay here, and I don't really want to. I want to go where I'm going.