Staring at Pine Cones

My hair is sticking up and I have what I think is a caffeine buzz from the half cup of coffee I had an hour ago. I'm all jittery, and it feels like caffeine...but coffee usually doesn't do that to me (not in that amount, anyway) So it feels wierd. Maybe my blood pressure is just up because of trying to load music onto my mp3 player :) Two different people have helped me and I still am really confused.

Today I thought of a definition for "stress."

Stress is when you try to control a world that is not meant to be controlled by human beings.

Besides fighting what feels like a losing battle with the mp3 player, I've been shopping and writing notes. Yesterday Mom and I had a very successful shopping trip in spite of rather major setbacks.

Our relatively new-and-shouldn't-be-having-problems van battery died and had to be replaced, and we found out the my grandfather had to go to the hospital with high blood pressure. After some hassle the van issue got resolved and Connor picked us up in his car to finish the shopping.

We were tempted to be upset by the van interruption, but I figured, hey, this is nothing to shopping in Ukraine, no doubt. My grandad's problem hasn't been too serious so far, although they moved him to the Shreveport VA clinic because he can get free care there.

So we were able to get all the toiletries I need to take (enough to last a month or two at least) and a few clothing items, and miscellaneous things like a converter and camera batteries. We actually found some sales at Kohls on winter things (what few there were), so I got a hat and two very nice scarves all for $13, which was a very pleasant surprise. I never do the shopping-for-winter-clothes-in-the-summer-when-they're-cheaper thing, so I was a little giddy over that.

God is so kind to work all these little things out for me and really "make the rough places smooth." It's actually a lot of fun to shop when there's a purpose and I can find what I intended to get!

We ate lunch at Jason's Deli (by this time Connor was with us). Connor had an ice cream cone that came with the meal, and he took it in the car afterwards. So we figured out that

Ice Cream + Stick Shift + East Texas July Heat= Major Drippage and/or Near Death Experience

Just kidding, Connor is a great driver and handled it fine. It was just funny to see him and Mom juggling his ice cream cone at stop lights :)

Hmm, on a different note...

I spent a lot of time today staring at pine cones. There are times when the most most useful thing to do is nothing...so I did it. Those pine cones were so pretty! They looked so perfect, but when I really looked at them, I realized that they weren't perfect at all. They all had flaws or gaps or pieces that stuck out funny. And the whole tree was irregular and sort of scrambled. It seems like everywhere I look I get the message:

You don't have to be perfect to be valuble or beautiful. Every tree and flower and person is different because God is creative and loves variety, and He can handle the wierdnesses we can't!

I keep trying to get everything in life straightened out, and I realize that a lot of my nervousness about the trip stems from a strain to get things "right." I want things organized and arranged and orderly, right down to writing updates. I want symmetry. And God keeps laughing and nudging me and saying, "Go on, mess up!" I don't mean "sin intentionally," but just "risk not having it all together."

I want symmetry, but God looks at the pine tree and says, "Be thou funky!" I don't handle disorder very well because I fear it will eventually result in chaos, but God knows exactly where it's headed, and He's not worried about it! Peace isn't the absence of disorder, it's the presence of God.

I want someone to be in control of the mess: It's God. I want someone to deal gently with me: It's God.

"One thing God has spoken,
Two things have I heard,
That You, oh God, are strong,
And You, oh Lord are loving."

Psalm 61: 11-12a

He is all powerful, He is completely loving, He is completely trustworthy.