I'm Not Actually a Turtle, but I Do Feel Like it Sometimes

I'm getting close to the end of the week! Work is almost done! I feel like I've been robbed of my soul. It's the first time I'll have worked 40 hours (and dare I say I hope it's the only time?).

No, really it has been an awesome job and I'm so thankful to have the money. I couldn't have asked for a better situation- Mrs. Castleberry is really kind and flexible and the hours were great. And she made us lunch :) And it's four miles from my house. The work is challenging, but my skills developed enough this past week that I don't feel like a nincompoop anymore. That's always a nice feeling...non-nincompoopness...and now that I'm more or less "trained," I'm leaving :)

Yay! I'm leaving!!!!! This week I realized just how much I miss my family when I'm not home. But it's not the same kind of missing as it will be when I'm really gone. It's the kind of missing you have when you glimpse them in the morning as you're spinning out the door with your tennis shoes half tied and your breakfast half-settled and see them again in the evening only when you're so tired you don't open your mouth for fear of snapping someone's head off. (I haven't worked past 5:30, but it felt like midnight to me.)

I want my family back! I don't like seeing them but not being able to connect. I think I'll adapt better in Ukraine, where I won't see them at all and can focus on the surroundings there. Hmm. I'm sure there will be a few tears, however.

I hope this is not really all complaining. This week has been so hard, and I keep feeling like I've failed the Lord. I complained a lot and said a lot of things that I didn't need to say, and I just couldn't pull myself together to do anything but work and go to the dentist. I really want to love people and have a soft heart, but my actions don't always demonstrate that.

I feel like I've fallen into a mode of having so much to do and plan that I'm becoming passive and not doing anything. I feel so disconnected from humanity, and yet, I feel too tired and too complainy to be with people.

I skipped out of a perfectly good party tonight because I'm just too wasted to cope with social life right now. I feel like an ogre for that, too, but truth be told, I would probably have huddled in the bathroom crying if I had gone. What can I say. Maybe I need to go meditate :) (By meditate, I mean on God, bty, lest you think the Eastern poetry stuff has gotten out of hand!)

So anyway...I will not always act like a drugged turtle. If you've read to the end of this post, thank you! The sun will come up again tomorrow :)