Me, God? A Warrior?

Oh boy. I feel like preaching again :)

God is so good to me! He gave me an awesome fundraiser last night at church. People gave SO GENEROUSLY and seemed to have a lot of fun auctioning the boxed dinners. The Hubers did an awesome job of arranging and pulling off the auction (and yoyo-ing!).

I've been under a lot of spiritual attacks the past few weeks, and didn't realize it until last Monday. It's especially been difficult on Sundays and Mondays. I thought it was just me and was upset with myself for being so flaky and horrible, etc. but then I realized that those accusing voices I'm hearing that make me feel guilty and cause rifts with others are NOT from God, and not from me.

And I remembered that often before missions trips there is a lot of spiritual warfare, not just on me but on my family. I seem to be hanging somewhere between extreme happiness and sheer brokenness, with an emphasis on the brokenness part. You know how in books, movies, and history the really cunning bad guys figure out that the best way to inflict pain on their enemy is to hurt the people closest to them? Well, I guess my big enemy knows about that trick, too.

And I realize that this "adventure" off to Ukraine for a year isn't just little ol' me going off to have an exotic babysitting adventure. There wasn't a thunder and lightning scene, but I know God has called me to Ukraine for this season, for a purpose.

Truth is, I feel like Gideon. "What, me? God? I'm just the youngest son in the lowest family of the most pitiful tribe of Israel. Who are you calling "Mighty Warrior," here? I don't think of myself as a threat to the enemy, but maybe he does.

While my body and spirit feel weaker and weaker, God is pouring more and more of Himself into me. Philipians 2 says that Jesus emptied Himself, so I've been asking God to empty me. Since I'll be flying soon, I'll use this analogy:

I'm an airplane, and Jesus is my Pilot. He's so big inside me that there just isn't any room for my baggage!

So He's getting rid of my baggage (i.e., guilt, anger, bitterness, self pity, fear; to name a few). He's even asking me to let some of my hopes and dreams die so that He can resurrect them again later. (One of His specialties!)

Anyway...I don't think Satan likes it when the saints start asking God to move for them when they don't have the strength to do anything anymore. He's probably afraid God will DO IT, because, well, our God is that sort of God! Yes!!

I'm just like Gideon. I've never seen myself as a warrior. When I was little, I never was the kind of girl who wanted to sword fight or be a warrior princess. I was more of a play house, teach school to my thirty teddy bears, and invent secret languages kind of girl. No conflict, please.

But it's becoming pretty clear to me that I'm a warrior with God. "Your gentleness makes me great...you teach my hands to war..." Psalm 18

I know that I don't wage war against flesh and blood but against the "spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" Eph. 6:12

"But David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with a sword and a spear and a javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me and I will strike you and cut off your head." 1 Sam. 17:45

Yeah, baby! That head cutting off thing is a little graphic, but I think God put that in there to show just how violent warfare can be, and also what a thorough and complete victory He's prepared for the ones who call on His name for help.

Please pray that:

> I would just keep humbling myself before God and saying "Yes, Lord!" all the time. I want my life to be one big "YES!!!" to God.

>On a practical level, that I could get some good sleep and relief from headaches/TMJ

>That I could react to circumstances in love and gentleness instead of anger and anxiety.