Risk

Those feelings native to our hearts
Are feelings of hiding and of turning
And of running away inside
Whenever we don’t hear the words
That were supposed to fill that
Empty empty cold and empty

S p a c e

Let’s go away because
We are unwanted here
We are not beautiful enough
Not wanted with the last layer of lipstick or
The thin so thin and see-through shirt
That gave them the chance to see
A little more of what I am underneath
We risked it all in a moment
By breathing by walking
In the door by standing
By sitting by speaking...

Oh, by speaking we risked it all
By asking we cast our cards
Apon the table and
They
Never
Even
Saw them
Let’s just go away
Its over now we did the best
We possibly possibly could
My hair was straightercurliershinierwavier
This time and still they didn’t see me
We don’t think we will speak
Again.
It's too great a risk
To be broken that way is just too painful
And I don’t possess that kind of strength

They should have seen how fragile
We are underneath
We feel the cold cold clamming up inside
We will crawl beneath the table
Behindthewallbeneaththebed
Somewhere

We will go to a cave a dark cave
A cold cave and hard inside
To stay awhile
Till we sink out of existence

Please don’t see us now
Ugly ugly terrifying ghosts
Staring from the mirror
With three stalls behind it
Where I want to go and cry
Please let me be here alone
Please let us die inside alone together
Away from the eyes that didn’t
See us

(April 2006)

This is one of the "riskiest" poems to post, but I wanted to anyway. It's about the desire I've experienced and seen in other girls to be seen, noticed, heard, and wanted. Whether it's a good desire, a foolish one, a selfish one, a legitimate one...well, it doesn't matter. It's there.