Rzhchshiv, Meet Expectations...Expectations, Meet Rzhchishiv

Huh. It's funny that now where I sign into my blog is all in Ukrainian :) I just have to guess at what to click...

There's so much to say about Rz, and I want a warm bath before bed. The cold water is off in Kiev right now, so we've been heating water in a pot to add for bathes. I've been doing cold showers since I go here. Quite invigorating, but I get the feeling I'm just smearing around the the greasiness, you know?

So, we drove out there (about 1 1/2 hour drive) on Sunday around noon, because they meet in the evening instead of morning for church.

I was nervous about it and I guess feeling unsettled because going from Kiev to Rzchishiv was an added culture shock. It's amazing how quickly we adapt ourselves and make a new comfort zone when our usual one is ruptured! The apartment had become friendly and homey to me in less than two days, and I was apprehensive about leaving.

I've had great opportunity to re-bond with baby Noah since I've been here because of these van rides, because there's no carseat, so I get to hold him! He is the most comfortable, docile, lap sitting baby you could ask for. Seriously. He's a little fluffier than a few months ago, and he's really relaxed, so he just lays there basking, which is actually very comforting to me. Sometimes it gets a little sticky and drooly, but it's worth it :)

The Crowes got a van for a few days instead of the rental car, so there was room for all of us. And the seats in the back face each other, so we have a grand old time. On the ride over we handed around cold pizza for lunch and I lodged Noah between Rodgy and me, where he promptly fell fast asleep with his head cocked back. As we got farther into the countryside, the road got crazy and bumpy and we were kind of flying around, so I held him and supported his head so that he wouldn't get whip lash :) Here we are...
We bumped down the road past hay fields and trailing willows, pines, poplars...rolling hills and forests. It's such a rich beauty. The tiny villages look tight and close because of all the underbrush and flowers and narrow roads. They don't believe in lawn mowers here! I love the flamey beds of color...scarlet and fuscia zinnias, yellow and orange marigolds, something dainty and lavender, pale, buttery larkspur, nodding sunflowers, purple petunias, and even some hollyhocks. Out of town, the river is royal blue and broad. Apparently in this area it breaks into a lot of different streams and joins up again later, so there are many islands.

About the house...it's even nicer than I expected! Very modern, it seemed :) I think it's going to be great. The work is very slow, but what's been done is very nice. The kitchen and dining room walls have fresh coats of green paint with white trim, and the cabinets are a pleasant reddish brown. The yard is a clutter of weeds, brick rubble, grape vines, and fruit trees. Fruit trees with fruit on them, which I've rarely seen at home! We even ate a few apricots.

The house was covered every inch in fine white dust mingled with some grit from the work, so everything and everyone was grimy and icky by the time we left. But it was fun to see the new house and imagine living in it (in less than three weeks!) It needs more tile and carpet, as well as hot water and internet. That water gives a whole new meaning to the word "cold!"

We went to the Gollan's around five and my apprehension suddenly heightened as I realized I was walking into a room of strangers. Some of them spoke English and some spoke Ukrainian or Russian or both, and I didn't know who spoke what. And I felt freaked out. Part of it was having been up since 2:30, and that jetlag had picked that opportune time to do it's thing with my mushy brain. I was afraid to close my eyes during the prayer because I was literally drifting off.
But I just sat and listened. And afterwards, it was better because I got to actually meet a few people, which helped eliminate some of the sizing up of the situation. I hate sizing people up, but I'm bound to do it if I never actually talk to them and see what they're really like. I've looked so forward to meeting everyone, and suddenly I was seized with a sort of fear about my expectations.

But I talked with the Gollans just a bit...Angel, a sweet little girl of eight, sidled up to me and introduced herself and said "You must be Cassie. We've heard so much about you" in her Australian accent :) I met the other kids too, and Priscilla greeted me and talked with me a bit, and I felt better. And as I was walking down the stairs, Daniel called out, "You're not what I expected!"

I laughed because that's not the first time I've heard that! In fact, three people have said that to me, and my natural response is, "Well what did you expect?" :) And then I just have to laugh because, thought no one has said it, I get the idea that they thought I would be more bold and outgoing...and here I am, this rather shy, unimpressive sheep! I keep thinking of the verse in Corinthians where Paul says somethings like, "I did not come to you with great power and fine words, but in weakness and with much trembling."

Yep, that's me. But at the same time, it's a delight. Since I've been here, I've been much more free of the pressure to be perfect all the time...in the way I look, what I do, and how I come across to people. That's really exciting to me! I guess in the States everything is so neat and safe and scheduled, and if something is out of line, it had better get fixed. Everything works properly, or should, if you're up to par.

But "par" here is kind of haphazard and crazy. Around me, life is imperfect. There's is no air conditioning and no hot water, the kitchen is so small that I spill everything, the floor is dirty and the road is full of potholes. But I can live with it! And when those little moments of comfort and order come, like a glimpse at the newly painted wall or a look out the window at the shining blue river, or the clean breeze embracing me as I step out the door...well then I'm filled with a wonder I might not notice if things were more "perfect" as a whole. I hope this makes sense.

Just been thinking a lot about expectations and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with them. Obviously, people here who know I'm coming have expectations of me too. We'll probably both surprise and disappoint one another a number of times. Here's a quote from The Shack (not quite done reading it).

(Jesus speaking to the main character)
"You are free to love without an agenda."

That's what I want to do!

Nite, now.