Thinking About Ukraine

This evening God refreshed me with getting to hear about Ukraine from the Crowes. I realistically can go! In the Spring-ish, probably. I'm just so happy, looking at pictures of land they want to buy, seeing pictures of the country market, hearing about the missionaries living there and the possibilities in store. Wrapping my mind around driving a scooter without a license ;)

I'm ready for a change. I want to live differently than I am living now. And its not just that giddy, adventurous sense of teenage get-me-out-of-the-house-ness. I've definitely been through that, and after missions trips to Hong Kong and India, my addiction to missions trip highs has mostly evaporated.

No, I'm not going to Ukraine just to escape from my life, my family, my circumstances. I have a very real and potentially painful loyalty and love for my home, my safe little nest. But honestly, the safe little nest is crowded with so many old struggles and fears and frustrations with myself and I am dying to clamber out on a limb and fly a little, just to get some fresh air. I know I'm going to be homesick, and I'm aware that life in Ukraine will present a whole new set of challenges...but that's what I (think\hope) I'm ready for...new challenges.

Going to Ukraine is not an attempt to satisfy my restlessness, rather, I believe its a culmination of one of God's plans for me...really both an end and a beginning, and perhaps actually a journey in itself. I don't think He's been leading me and training me and urging me on just so that I can stay in the nest and have the dreams He gives me suffocated. Not that it doesn't mean waiting...for any of you who have asked me about Ukraine...well, you know my answer: "I don't really know...we're waiting on God." But God keeps giving me such clear direction to wait and trust that I don't really mind the lack of clear direction on other matters! Obviously He knows what He's up to. Waiting (not only for Ukraine, but for most of my other dreams as well) is a lesson He's teaching me in such preciously thorough detail and care right now that I'm beginning to consider it a very important thing in my life. Patience.

Anyhow, I am so stirred about this whole idea. My original reason for going to Ukraine was wanting to serve the Crowe family, and that still stands in my mind. I didn't have a big interest in Ukraine specifically, besides the fact that it is a foreign country and I'm very drawn to that.

Honestly, I still don't have a big vision for the people of Ukraine. A few years ago, I would have panicked about that. I mean, how does anyone even toying with the word "missions" dare to not "have a heart for the people"? It sounds selfish, like I'm not taking the missions idea seriously or even being um, "Christian". I care about Ukrainian souls as much as I care for American souls, which unfortunately does not say much, if you look at my present "evangelizing record." But I'm not too worried on that front anymore. I've heard of plenty of people with a great calling on their heart for a people group who arrived in their "target country" only to struggle to loving the individuals they dealt with day to day. It seems that its one thing to cry over a photo or article, but quite another to live love to a really messed up individual who has the capacity to wound us out of their own hurt.

So I'm counting on the Lord to prepare the way and bring meaningful relationships into my life when I get to Ukraine. I do hope the personalness of the culture and the desperation of the people will goad me to share Jesus more openly than I do here, but I can't promise that I will open my mouth any more in Ukraine than in Longview if the Spirit doesn't open it for me! I'm so woefully unable without Him :)

In the meantime, I have hope for the future, I have renewed patience for growing. I do want to make "friends of sinners" and share the Jesus who has shown Himself so faithful in my life. Gotta keep singing, keep trusting, keep hanging on.