Monday, November 2, 2009

In Which I Become Aware of Significant Envelope Licking Rituals

According to Bruce, my blog is no longer interesting because I'm in school now and not having any adventures. (Besides those tidings of ill news it was wonderful to see Bruce and Deb again while they are in from Ukraine visiting Longview for a few days.)

But though I can't be the judge of my Blog Interestingness Quotient, I can, today at least, and as many times as I continue these charming visits to the Financial Aid desk, share an experience to satisfy my readers' taste for the ridiculous.

I understand that a home made high school transcript might raise a few eyebrows. After all, this particular student (probably not the first time in the history of homeschooling) had to design and fill out her own transcript. What can I say? The principal was busy! At least they taught me to be honest.

It's true that I made my own transcript, faithfully filling in the grades received from parents and other instructors. And when they told me at the Financial Aid desk that I'd have to have it notarized, I didn't make a fuss. If they want a little extra ink that's fine, although I didn't see how it was going to make anything more official. I know my notary better than most people know theirs because she also happens to be the church secretary, but that doesn't mean she knows how I fared in Biology.

I got the transcript notarized, and, having nothing but a plain long envelope, popped it in. I left it open because I figured that looked cleaner and neater than what it would be if they had to rip it open and look at it. Oh, how wrong I was.

When I returned to the registrar's desk and handed her my envelope, she looked it over and said,

"Well, I'm sorry, but we can't accept this. It has to be sealed." I stood there, a little concerned, picturing some kind of fancy sticker...bees wax...something official that I needed stamped on the outside of my envelope, something that definitely wasn't at my house.

"So...it's a homeschool transcript. Where am I supposed to get this seal?"

"You just need to bring us a sealed envelope, that's all."

"Oh, you mean it just needs to be closed?"

"Yes." I think for a moment, trying to get this straight.

"So you mean...that I can just go outside, lick my envelope, and come back in?"

"Uhh..." Awkward silence. Mostly for her. She turns to the lady at the desk behind her and asks what to do. That lady brushes it off with a wave of her hand and a crinkle of her nose that says "No big deal." And I heave a sigh that agrees.

The lady behind the desk carefully licks the envelope and regards me seriously.

"I guess it's ok, just this once," she concedes.

"So let me get this straight," I say, one more time, just to clarify. (I know my Dad's going to be all over this.) "What I should have done is licked the envelope at home and then brought it here, and that would have been ok?"

She nodded.

Well, my transcript is now sufficiently licked and filed away (I hope) and all I can do is issue a warning to my fellow homeschoolers planning to submit high school transcripts to a college...Never underestimate the importance of that official, clandestine ritual of Licking the Transcript Envelope...it could mean your future!

7 comments:

Jono said...

I can't believe you didn't lick the envelope - I mean everyone licks their envelopes. What sort of person are you if you don't know to lick your envelopes - by golly!
Sounds like Ukrainian bureaucratic ridiculousness is rubbing off in the us of a also!

Anonymous said...

Imho your BIQ is high :)

Fun post, and the bureaucratic thing really is so ridiculous...

anonju

Linda B said...

Now that's just silly! When are you going to come over again?

Unknown said...

Be grateful they didn't require a special stamp on it. I've had to provide sealed transcripts that are stamped by the registrars office on the flap so they can see if we opened the envelope and tampered with the grades. The last few transcripts that were sent were college transcripts sent from an online service--by email. As if THAT is really secure. Oh, these college transcripts were sent to the insurance company to verify that my college students were truly enrolled in college, thus making them eligible to be covered.

Kate said...

That TOTALLY cracks me up!!

Chelsea said...

I stood where you stood at that desk and almost asked the same question about the sealed envelope hehe. but I just went back the next day :)

I miss you!

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