A Testimony

Out goes February, the month I love. Not the only month I love, but I've always had a fascination with February in particular.

I'm sitting in front of a window in DIRECT SUNLIGHT, which is obnoxiously blinding at the moment, but deliciously warm and welcome. A stream of water is running down from somewhere on the roof above; icycles have been dripping and falling off. Masha and I lost the four foot icycle hanging off the corner of the roof out the kitchen window yesterday; it's like waiting for a dead tree to fall!

I want to give praise to God...I was thinking that it's so easy to go around worrying internally and aloud about the things we're doing or not doing in our relationship with Him, while it it would be better to praise Him for the amazing things He's been doing right under our noses. He keeps on doing great deeds regardless of us :)

Yeah, I was thinking of this because I realized yesterday that He's given me a testimony. During Christmas break I was discouraged because Bible reading had become so dry and boring to me. I was busy and had a hard time making a point to read, especially when I opened it only to waves of frustration and confusion. I thought I probably wasn't understanding properly due to lack of study and focus on my part, but I felt spiritually wimpy and guilty for that. I felt like God's word was never going to hold anything by frustration for me again.

BUT THEN, when I got back to Ukraine, after a few weeks, something happened inside me where I suddenly could believe that God's word was truth. And I wanted it, badly! Suddenly I had a faith that I hadn't had before to just take God's word at face value even if I didn't understand it. I thought I somehow needed to understand and perfectly obey it all at once in order to please God, but actually, He showed me that it's faith that He is pleased with. (Heb. 11:6)

God's word is the truth whether I understand it or not. He knew I wasn't very smart and wouldn't be able to understand without His Holy Spirit to teach me. So I can only conclude that He wants me to read and believe and patiently wait for Him to make the confusing things clear. In the meantime, that Book holds the most beautiful explanations of His exquisite character, and it compels me to trust His love more readily.

Like these verses from Jeremiah 32:40b-41:

"I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me.

I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul."

I'm so excited that there is hope. When we are in a desert time, longing for a drink on our parched lips, we want to despair and think that we will never see water again. But God can so quickly bring us to the other side.

I love it that my new love for His Word didn't come from my own ability to inspire myself or be interested in Him. I prayed some feeble, frustrated prayers like "God, I want to want this, but I don't..." and He took the initiative to lift the veil off my eyes and believe His word. He created faith inside me where there was none. He turned my weakness into strength. What can I say? It's great to serve a God like this! I am secure in His love and patience, and delighted with His power.