Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Gutting of Birdzilla (Happy Thanksgiving!)

(Nov. 27)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

It's about 9:30 here, and we've just finished our second Thanksgiving celebration of the week, this time with a gathering of missionaries at the Crowes' house. The day had a much different flavor than my past Thanksgivings, and it was hard to realize that it was indeed Thanksgiving and that people were getting up on the other side of the world to cook their turkeys and bake their pumpkin pies.

We actually had a turkey, (which are hard to come by, seemingly) and it was quite a "beast," as Bruce called it. I was very glad for it, just for the idea of having a turkey, but I think it was a rather ancient fowl. This afternoon, Bruce was in the kitchen making his special stuffing, Deb was assisting Bruce like the dedicated wife she is as well as preparing her own dishes, and I was...I can't remember. Doing my usual puttering. Following people around washing their dishes.

So it came out that the turkey needed gutting. It was on the kitchen counter wrapped up in a plastic bag. After some discussion in which Bruce flatly refused to do it, I volunteered/was elected to remove the innards. I thought "Why not? There's a first time for everything." Although I've been forced against my will to watch Mom clean out chickens in the past, I don't think I've ever actually done it myself. She says I must gut a chicken before I will be allowed to marry. Well, I went the whole way this time and did a turkey. So now I can get hitched at any time, hehe.

I must say that I almost renigged when I peeled back the plastic bag. Deb and I both were pretty grossed out at the sight of the dry, leathery skin, the portruding purple neck with its wrinkles of pimply blackish skin, and the singed places where the feathers had been. It didn't appear to be a healthy animal. Then or now. But it didn't smell at all, and we didn't have to pluck it! How bad could it really be? And then I always think, someday I could be off in the wilds somewhere butchering emus with my bare hands, and then I'll be glad I once gutted a turkey...

No, I cheated, actually. Deb gave me a pair of plastic gloves which I threw away afterwards, and I plunged into the dark cavern of turkeyness and pulled out all kinds of interesting goodies. I have decided I will never be a doctor. Seeing the glove all caked with blood and finally pulling out what looked like the trachea (do turkeys have tracheas?) was almost too much to me. I actually found it easier to mess with it without the gloves on, because there's less left to the imagination. Although there's still the same amount of squish and ish, you know what you're putting your hand on, and not caught up imagining what it feels like it is.

After its innard removing operation and a good rinse, Birdzilla was a passable candidate for stuffing, but Deb and I kept eyeing the thing and thinking this was like no bird we had ever seen. Probably not genetically engineered for an American Thanksgiving dinner. Possibly it was a much more "real" turkey than we had ever eaten before, but also a much older turkey than we had ever eaten before as well.

But we stuffed him, the three of us standing round, and Deb tied him up with crosstitch floss, and popped him in the oven.

The evening was a pleasant one, and it was nice to see missionaries from the neighboring town whom I don't see that much.

The bird turned out strange to say the least. We really aren't sure if it was a turkey or not. There was dark meat where light meat is supposed to be, and the whole carcass had a grisly appearance to me. Maybe it was due to my previous involvment, but I could hardly get my little piece down, between all the chewing required and the thoughts to be dealt with while chewing. There was also a unique taste.

Thank the Lord that turkey is NOT the point of Thanksgiving! There's always pumpkin pie... No, really, God is so good to us and I love Him so much. I want to thank Him more and more, for the little things and the big ones, because He is intimately aquainted with every detail of life. And, I really am thankful for the turkey...it didn't have to taste good. It's just special to have a turkey on Thanksgiving, even if only for the idea of it :)

Monday, November 24, 2008

A Long Way From Home...but Happy!

Yesterday morning I woke up to a white world and got amazed all over again. Apparently the Crowe kids were up at 6:30 (at least Bronwyn was) playing in the new snow. I was a bit later getting out there :) Natural klutziness coupled + the most awkward articles of clothing I've ever encountered + distracted delight = quite a while getting ready.


When I had finally bundled myself up I crunched and bunched down the road. It was still snowing and blowing, and the kids were sledding down the hill on the coated road with the Gollan kids. After talking with Daniel and Priscilla a little and watching the fun I had a couple goes on the sled. (I'll have to practice steering!) and later instigated a snowball fight with some of the older kids. They were having a blast out there. Clark and Ellie looked like two little bears in there snow suits.


Afterwards I walked through the woods next to the house, marvelling at the glowing sheen of white and the contrast with the deep green pines. It stopped snowing and the blue sky even appeared. Even in snow coated winter weather I caught that color scheme again...blue and gold show up everywhere!


Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving at church. It was such a precious time. I thought I would really be missing Thanksgiving at home, but I really found myself getting excited about this celebration, and yesterday I was so thankful for the sense of family, even though there were a lot of new faces at the table.

I went down early to help Cheryl set up, so we moved things around in the ministry room at the Gollans', ironed table clothes, and set the table. Around 40 people came, and we had a potluck style meal. The room was so cozy with candles and lamplight and fall decorations.

After the meal we had a worship time and communion, and talked about God's physical, emotional, and spiritual blessings in our lives. During the singing I was overwhelmed with the sweet sound of Urkainian songs sung by Ukrainian voices. I'm learning some of the songs, but it's still a lot of brain work to join in the singing, so sometimes I just close my eyes and listen.

For me, it's taken leaving my country to really appreciate its history and traditons. I appreciate Thanksgiving more this year because I sort of a pilgrim :) I never thought about the fact only Americans celebrate Thanksgiving on the last Thursday of November. Our time last night probably had more American flavor than usual because there were more Amercans this year, but it was still a time focused more on simply giving thanks to God than on an American holiday. I really liked that. I also realized how much I love my heritage, too.

When Jon, who was leading worship, was sharing a bit between songs about the pilgrims and how American Thanksgiving came about, (he is from New Zealand) it struck me in a tender place because I thought "That's my history!" and I knew it struck a chord for me that it naturally wouldn 't for most people in the room. When you only stay in one country, you don't realize that even other english speaking countries have a whole different background and set of holidays and special traditions than you. I'm not intentionally prideful about mine, but I niavely go around thinking everyone does things like I do (and eats pumpkin pie, by George!) It's really humbling but really sweet to come to a place where the only common denominator at times is Jesus and the place we have in His family.

Even with the joy of the meal together, I could sense a heaviness in the room because there are people who aren't following the Lord or who are doubting Him. There is a lot of pain and suffering in this world, much deeper than anything I've ever been through. But I know Jesus came to suffer on our behalf, and I'm praying that they can believe and truly know Him.

We took communion, and those who know the Lord came one at a time and took the bread and juice, and just made a simple confession that we love Jesus and that He's our Savior.

So that was Thanksgiving! I'm a long way from home, but I'm really enjoying it! This Thursday I guess there will be another celebration at the Crowes' house...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

White Thanksgiving

All I can say is wow, wow, WOW! No, actually I have a lot more to say than that…

Although I’ve wished many times for a white Christmas, I can’t say I’ve ever dreamed of a white Thanksgiving! But it looks like that’s what we’re having! I guess it’s not actually Thanksgiving day yet, but here we’re celebrating as a church today with a meal in the evening together, so it seems like Thanksgiving day. Yesterday I went to Cheryl’s because we are decorating and making desserts and we wanted to prepare a little. It was fairly warm out, and if it hadn’t been raining I might have just layered up and not taken my puffy coat. Little rivulets of rainwater were traveling down the road, and I was marveling at the beauty of raindrops hanging on the branches like delicate Christmas ornaments.

So when I go there, Cheryl started looked up verses in Ukrainian for us to write on decorative cards for the tables and I slopped and spattered my way around the kitchen making pumpkin pie. Apparently they don’t make or eat pumpkin pie in Ukraine, although they do plenty of other creative things with that fascinating and versatile vegetable. But pumpkin pie a necessary symbol of Thanksgiving, and I was glad to get to make it.

But enough about pie…

After finishing the pie, verse cards, supper, and some good fellowship, we left around 8, I to go home and Cheryl to go to worship practice. When we stepped out the door, there was WHITE STUFF FALLING!!! I was in shock, I guess. I’m surprised that I was so surprised, but I was surprisingly very surprised and giddy. You would have thought I’d been in the tropics all my life! “It’s snowing” I kept saying, as if it wasn’t obvious. “Cheryl, it’s on the ground!” Not were the furry little flakes falling, they had already accumulated probably an inch on the ground. The umbrella I had borrowed and left on the porch to drip had turned over and was rapidly filling with snow.

We set out, all my senses alive to the new world. Even a little bit of snow transforms the landscape. Warm lights rested in houses coated in white. Instead of just muddy pavement, there was now slick and slush…and the mud. The ground dazzled and sparkled in the flashlight glow, and the cold soft flakes brushed my nose, teased the bit of fur on my hood, and nestled in my brown scarf. All was hushed and still like a wintery postcard picture. Snow caps on fence posts reminded me of Charles Wysocki paintings. I was in awe. When Cheryl and I parted ways at my street, I was so full I half cried, half laughed. My heart is so full of Thanksgiving to the Lord for what He’s done. I feel so far short of the life I desire to live in Him, but He has given me so, so much. He makes us as clean and new as new fallen snow. He changes our eyes to have the sight of faith, the sight of a new world.

When I came into the house , the family was gathered in the living room playing Pictionary. I was still giddy, and in celebration I had another cup of coffee and sat on the couch watching our budding artists draw their pictures. And tried to guess…

This morning we woke to more snow (I’m guessing 2-3 inches) on the ground a outlining the forest trees. Now it’s stopped, but the view from my window is Rzhishchiv, Thanksgiving, coated in white :) That gets a little confusing where the Christmas carol urge comes in!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Steps of Faith

Currently reading:

For the Sake of my Brothers, by Brother Andrew
and
Stepping out on Faith, by Helen Constance
(These are awesome books that God is really using in my life...I recommend both of them!)

I'm so full of God's joy! He has been so good to me. This week I've had a new sense that He's lifted me up out of a pit and given me a firm place to stand. I feel like an oppressive cloud has been lifted off of my life, and I can breath and move about with so much more freedom, clarity, and lightness of heart.

Praise God, my jaw is feeling so much better! The problem is not resolved, and my neck still bothers me at times, but I'm so much more relaxed, and I have energy! I feel motivated to live and get out of bed in the morning! It's really wonderful.

So, I don't know how it's all come about, but I think this new life I have is due in large part to some small steps of obedience God's been leading me in. For so long I've just been in a tight, scared bubble, and He's been merciful to me, but lately I've been challenged to step out in faith a little, and it's so exciting!

I so often struggle with knowing whether I'm really hearing God's voice or not that I stay paralyzed in fear and uncertainty. I certainly wouldn't want to make any big steps unless I'm positive that's what God said, because I don't want to risk my discomfort! So I've lived in confusion over what's best for my health, for the way I spend time, what I do with others, etc.

For example, I wanted to have more time to pray, because I just want so much to get close to God's heart. There's so much I want to understand and hear Him about. But I also feel like I should be responsible with the amount of rest I get, because I'm not superwoman, and other people suffer from my emotions when I get too tired.

One morning I just decided to get up earlier than usual and have some extra prayer time. There was a fear that I wouldn't be rested enough, and also a sense of guilt if I didn't get up...and I didn't want to get up and do it just because I felt guilty! In the end I got up, even though I wasn't sure if my motives were right or not. During that time I had so much peace and delight in what God shared with me...and I thought, "to think that I almost missed this because I was afraid of my motives!"

For the next several days, even though I didn't plan to, I ended up getting up early again to have this prayer time, and although it wasn't chock full of special feelings, I could really sense God's blessing and clear direction in it. I've continued doing it, and tried to get in a habit of saying "yes" to other small steps of faith. Often I want to dither about whether it's God's will or not, or whether it will be good for me or not, but God keeps whispering, "I will take care of you."
And I've had so much more energy and joy than before!

This morning I wanted to get up early to do different things, and I thought this time I would just skip the prayer time...and no condemnation involved! But I woke up needing to go to the bathroom even earlier than the early time I'd set my alarm for. I thought, "No no...I'm going back to bed. It's Friday, and I'm planning to go to the young people's get together (another little step of faith for me!). It will be late and I won't make it through the day without more rest." So I got back in bed, pulled the warm duvet over my shoulders, and laid there. But then God whispered, "Are you trusting in My strength, or your strength?"

With it laid out so plainly, I could see that it wasn't a matter of me getting up out of guilt, but out of an attitude of trust that my God is able to carry me through this day. So I took that step of faith out of bed, and immediately He filled me with joy for this day in the early morning light.

It's funny how you don't see the blessing that is about to open up to you if you make that step of faith. I know that God loves and blesses His children anyway, but there are certain blessings that we simply cannot find until we open up the door and step outside. He gives a sacred part of Himself to the ones who step out to recieve it.

So, this is new and exciting to me, and there are much bigger challenges to come. But as I think of the future, I'm filled with hope, because I know that the desires of my heart require a lot of mountains to be moved in my life. Now I really believe that God can strengthen my heart in obedience so much that I'll be able to say "yes" to anything He says. One step at a time :)

On another note, I was at the Bible study Cheryl has at her house every other Friday, and she showed a video of pictures and clips from Kyrgystan, where she just visited. And she gave us embroidered Kyrgyz potholders :) Every time she talks about Kyrgystan I have this odd excitement, and putting pictures with my thoughts added to that. What a place. I have so much curiosity about it!

The sermon we listened to (in a great series by Tim Keller) challenged me to ask God about the poor and lost. As I'm learning to step out in faith, I want Him to change the places in my heart that are hard or show partiality. I'm willing to go to some people, but not others. There are some ways I just don't want to serve because they are too dirty, too strenuous, and they require too much. Who am I, Lord? I can't go to prostitutes! I can't take care of orphans! I'm terrified of the sheer boredom of nursing homes. Please don't ask me to teach Sunday school! If I give to beggars, they'll just want more. There are a thousand excuses I could keep making for the rest of my life about why I shoudn't get too involved with the poor. But Jesus' example and mandate to love even the "least of these..." -- especially the least of these-- remains. Hmm.

"...Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and inherit the kingdom He promised to those who love Him?" James 2:5

So...just my thoughts of late.

Noah is playing on the floor nearby with a talking Pooh Bear toy. School with the two boys seems to be going well. We had a light snow flurry a few days ago and thought it would turn into something more...apparently it's been pretty warm here so far. We're preparing for two Thanksgiving celebrations, one on Sunday with "church", and one at the Crowes' on Thursday. I'm so excited to be spending my first Thanksgiving in Ukraine! I thought I'd really miss home Thanksgiving, but I'm excited about this. I have a lot to thank God for.

I'm sorry if I haven't been keeping very good contact with you all. Internet's been down most of the time. But I'll see lots of people when I come home for Christmas :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Country Mouse Goes to Kiev

This morning I had my first solo bus ride in Ukraine (or ever). It was a big deal for a girl who has never even ridden public transportation in her home town before (not that there actually is any :) There really wasn't anything to it, because Nadya's mom did all the hard part for me, down to asking the bus driver to please be sure he stopped at the market in Rzhishchiv instead of the nearby technicum.

Nadya is the daughter of Bruce's friend Andrei who helped the Crowes get connected here, and I've met her before when she was in the states visiting (some you probably met their family when they visited Crossroads back in July.) Anyway, Nadya is close to my age, and she's been trying to get me to come visit her these past three months or so...so I finally got to go!

The Murzins got circus tickets for the Crowes and me, so we went on Saturday, and then I stayed overnight wiht Nadya. And then another night. And I came back by bus this morning in the greyish puddly weather. It was delicious. My sense of independence was probably an illusion, since Mrs. Murzin said they used to send Nadya to her granparents' by bus when she was just six years old...but oh well :) It was a big step to me!

But the bus ride was only the cherry on top. I so enjoyed hanging out with Nadya. She wanted to show me her favorite places in Kiev, so she took me down by the Dneiper river where there's an huge arched bridge all lit up, and we walked along the cobblestone riverside and sidewalks, enjoying the lights on the water and chattering like squirrels. It was damp and just slightly rainy, but not unbearably cold. Good conversation is so refreshing! I can't convey just how much a wholesome conversation restores me. Ahh.

Nadya is Ukrainian, but she speaks very good English, and she's read classics in English that I haven't ventured to read, so it was kind of fuuny to have my English challenged by someone who's not only a year younger than me, but has a different mother tongue!

She told me interesting history about Kiev, explained some school customs, and helped me some with Russian. We quickly figured out that neither of us have a head for directions, especially when we're engrossed in conversation, and we went into one metro station and out and in and out and all about...but it was great fun. Nadya said there's a Russian proverb that says that some people "can get lost between three pine trees." So I'm keeping that one tucked away...it definitely applies to me! I was just impressed that she could get around Kiev at all. It's a big city-- I think about 3.5 million people, population-wise.

All the bus catching and on-the-metro-off-the-metro-up-these-stairs-down-those-stairs-across this-street-on-that-bus-run-to-catch-the-next-bus had the country mouse pretty baffled and a little overwhelmed. I'm used to Rzhishchiv, with its little three-day-per-week bazaar and main street, complete with a post office. That's pretty much all I need at this point. But I had so much fun seeing Kiev. We were in a really fancy part of town where they had built a beautiful mall, so we went there and had a baked potato and a milkshake, and then looked in a few stores.

I've can't say that shopping does much for me, but for some reason just walking into a Levi's store and seeing and feeling those American clothes really did something to me. Homesickness is such a sneaky beast...it creeps up behind you and suddenly socks you in the gut even in your happiest, most well-adjusted moments.

All the newness of Kiev and some little things like the Levi's store and the sight of Nadya's six year old brother just Ethan's height playing dinosaurs caught me off guard and I actually started crying on the metro, much to my embarressment and Nadya's dismay. She was really gentle though, and felt terrible that I felt that way and I felt terrible that she felt terrible...you know how girls are. And then she took me to her youth group and I cried again...I can't believe myself. There were a lot of girls all eager to help, five hands offering chocolate cookies, a kolbasa sandwich, a cup of tea, anything to console me. "Don't worry! Chocolate will fix EVERYTHING! We are doctors and we will fix you!"they gushed dramatically, in somewhat broken English. I couldn't help laughing through my tears. I was in a ridiculous state, but since I couldn't even explain very well why I was crying (I wasn't sure I knew, myself!) it was best just to laugh and gulp down chocolate cookies until the storm blew over.

I continually find myself thinking, when I get homesick or overwhelmed, that I'm getting my just desserts for moving to a foreign country when I could hardly handle leaving my front doorstep in my own country. Then I remember that God really did bring me here, and I ask, "Doesn't it seem like a waste, God, to give such an opportunity to a girl with the brain of Pooh Bear and the heart of Piglet? Sure, I wanted to come, but you could have picked somebody a lot stronger, smarter, more compassionate, and more energetic than this basket case!" But He seems to be divinely winking at me :)

More than anything, I want to have faith to go anywhere and do anything God asks, but I'm so weak in just about everything that it will be interesting to see what my life actually turns out like. Boy am I glad that the Bible says He uses the weak things of this world...haha, it looks like I'm in!

Despite the little meltdowns, the weekend was a blast, and it went by so quickly. I wanted to assure Nadya that it was in no way her fault that I broke down, because I really enjoyed being with her, and she did a great job taking care of me. I really felt welcomed and comfortable with the Murzins, and my language learning enthusiasm is revived after getting to practice with them. Since they speak English and have lived in the states some, we could understand each other well and they were really good at helping me with Russian.

After youth group, or molodyozhka Sunday night, we went "gylyat"ing with two of Nadya's girl friends from youth group. "Gylyat" is my new favorite Russian word (although correct pronunciation is still a work in progress), because it describes one of my favorite things in the world, and there's no equivalent for it in English. (Another benefit of learning a language- you get new words to describe things you've never been able to exactly describe before.) The word means something between "to walk" and "to play," so it's like walking for pleasure, wandering around outside...that sort of thing. So we did that. We wandered arm in arm to McDonald's and had ice cream and just enjoyed each other's company.

It's very humbling to have people go out of their way to speak a different language just for your sake. I know lots of people want to speak English just because they want practice, but last night it was obvious that it would have been a lot easier for the girls just to speak in Russian to each other and let me fumble along the best I could. After all, I'm the one who chose to come here, so I feel like I should be the one speaking Russian. Over and over they kept saying, "Ok, let's speak English" so that I could be part of the conversation. So we helped each other speak each others' languages, and it was so fun.

So we got up when it was still dark this morning and a little bit drizzly, and Nadya's mom helped me get to the bus station and on the Marshrutka, and I went home so happy and refreshed and thankful.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

American gryvny?

Hi there, anyone who still checks my blog! I haven't really quit blogging, I'm just busy lately. Or sometimes the internet is off.

Today we had kolache type things for lunch (hot dogs covered in dough and baked) and the kids were trying to buy pieces from each other. (They thoroughly enjoyed the treat). I heard Broderic say, "How much will you pay me for this piece?"

Bronwyn: "Umm...a gryvny" (Ukrainian money)
Brent: "I'll give you an American gryvny."

Only I think it's supposed to be gryvna when it's singular. Anyway. It's fun to see them picking up words and things from this culture.

God has really been encouraging me during the last few days. This morning as I was listening to music I heard the words, "If He led us out, I know He's gonna lead us in."

That phrase spurs me on to believe for God's plan. I don't know what I'm doing exactly, or what God is doing with me, but I can trust that if He brought me to Ukraine, He's going to finish His work, both in me and in others around me. I have so much more hope!

I'm trying to collect my thoughts enough to write an email update, so I'll leave the blog now, but don't give up checking!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

My Favorite Disney Princess

Tonight Bron and I have been having our weekly girl time while Bruce and Deb are in Kiev with the older boys. It seems to work out that way so far with Brent doing hockey...and it's fun. Tonight we made sundaes and did silly quizzes on the internet. Nothing very beneficial, but some good mindless fun ;)

So which Disney princess are you? Apparently I'm a cross between Jasmine and Belle. Aha. Hence my affinity to magic carpet rides and huge libraries.

No, actually Belle is my favorite. I really have this thing with princesses and fairytales. But then, I guess we can all identify with a craving for breathtaking adventure. Something bigger than our days. A curiosity about the ends of the earth...what's deep down inside of people...Someday I'm going to write a book...someday...someday...someday...when I find that talking candlestick and see into a magic mirror...

So what would it be like to ride on a magic carpet, really? Drifting throught the air with no rails or seat belt...swooping throught the sky...mmm, sounds like car(pet) sickess coming right up. (Maybe literally.) I've had dreams that I was on a platform way out in the middle of space, tilting this way and that and sliding toward the edge. It wasn't pleasant.

On the other hand, a fairytale carpet could be a sweet ride, belonging in a fairytale and all. Gliding...that's the word I was looking for. I'd like to glide on a starry night spread out on my back, looking up. And then I'd turn over and watch the hushed silver world fly by, asleep beneath me. Good conversation with a friend would just add the perfect touch.

Well, no carpet rides tonight. The clouds have tucked the stars into bed for a long sleep, and tonight I'll be one of the inhabitants of the hushed world...hushed that is, but for the distant whine of a car alarm and the barking of the occasional (hopefully occasional) dog.