Steps of Faith

Currently reading:

For the Sake of my Brothers, by Brother Andrew
and
Stepping out on Faith, by Helen Constance
(These are awesome books that God is really using in my life...I recommend both of them!)

I'm so full of God's joy! He has been so good to me. This week I've had a new sense that He's lifted me up out of a pit and given me a firm place to stand. I feel like an oppressive cloud has been lifted off of my life, and I can breath and move about with so much more freedom, clarity, and lightness of heart.

Praise God, my jaw is feeling so much better! The problem is not resolved, and my neck still bothers me at times, but I'm so much more relaxed, and I have energy! I feel motivated to live and get out of bed in the morning! It's really wonderful.

So, I don't know how it's all come about, but I think this new life I have is due in large part to some small steps of obedience God's been leading me in. For so long I've just been in a tight, scared bubble, and He's been merciful to me, but lately I've been challenged to step out in faith a little, and it's so exciting!

I so often struggle with knowing whether I'm really hearing God's voice or not that I stay paralyzed in fear and uncertainty. I certainly wouldn't want to make any big steps unless I'm positive that's what God said, because I don't want to risk my discomfort! So I've lived in confusion over what's best for my health, for the way I spend time, what I do with others, etc.

For example, I wanted to have more time to pray, because I just want so much to get close to God's heart. There's so much I want to understand and hear Him about. But I also feel like I should be responsible with the amount of rest I get, because I'm not superwoman, and other people suffer from my emotions when I get too tired.

One morning I just decided to get up earlier than usual and have some extra prayer time. There was a fear that I wouldn't be rested enough, and also a sense of guilt if I didn't get up...and I didn't want to get up and do it just because I felt guilty! In the end I got up, even though I wasn't sure if my motives were right or not. During that time I had so much peace and delight in what God shared with me...and I thought, "to think that I almost missed this because I was afraid of my motives!"

For the next several days, even though I didn't plan to, I ended up getting up early again to have this prayer time, and although it wasn't chock full of special feelings, I could really sense God's blessing and clear direction in it. I've continued doing it, and tried to get in a habit of saying "yes" to other small steps of faith. Often I want to dither about whether it's God's will or not, or whether it will be good for me or not, but God keeps whispering, "I will take care of you."
And I've had so much more energy and joy than before!

This morning I wanted to get up early to do different things, and I thought this time I would just skip the prayer time...and no condemnation involved! But I woke up needing to go to the bathroom even earlier than the early time I'd set my alarm for. I thought, "No no...I'm going back to bed. It's Friday, and I'm planning to go to the young people's get together (another little step of faith for me!). It will be late and I won't make it through the day without more rest." So I got back in bed, pulled the warm duvet over my shoulders, and laid there. But then God whispered, "Are you trusting in My strength, or your strength?"

With it laid out so plainly, I could see that it wasn't a matter of me getting up out of guilt, but out of an attitude of trust that my God is able to carry me through this day. So I took that step of faith out of bed, and immediately He filled me with joy for this day in the early morning light.

It's funny how you don't see the blessing that is about to open up to you if you make that step of faith. I know that God loves and blesses His children anyway, but there are certain blessings that we simply cannot find until we open up the door and step outside. He gives a sacred part of Himself to the ones who step out to recieve it.

So, this is new and exciting to me, and there are much bigger challenges to come. But as I think of the future, I'm filled with hope, because I know that the desires of my heart require a lot of mountains to be moved in my life. Now I really believe that God can strengthen my heart in obedience so much that I'll be able to say "yes" to anything He says. One step at a time :)

On another note, I was at the Bible study Cheryl has at her house every other Friday, and she showed a video of pictures and clips from Kyrgystan, where she just visited. And she gave us embroidered Kyrgyz potholders :) Every time she talks about Kyrgystan I have this odd excitement, and putting pictures with my thoughts added to that. What a place. I have so much curiosity about it!

The sermon we listened to (in a great series by Tim Keller) challenged me to ask God about the poor and lost. As I'm learning to step out in faith, I want Him to change the places in my heart that are hard or show partiality. I'm willing to go to some people, but not others. There are some ways I just don't want to serve because they are too dirty, too strenuous, and they require too much. Who am I, Lord? I can't go to prostitutes! I can't take care of orphans! I'm terrified of the sheer boredom of nursing homes. Please don't ask me to teach Sunday school! If I give to beggars, they'll just want more. There are a thousand excuses I could keep making for the rest of my life about why I shoudn't get too involved with the poor. But Jesus' example and mandate to love even the "least of these..." -- especially the least of these-- remains. Hmm.

"...Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and inherit the kingdom He promised to those who love Him?" James 2:5

So...just my thoughts of late.

Noah is playing on the floor nearby with a talking Pooh Bear toy. School with the two boys seems to be going well. We had a light snow flurry a few days ago and thought it would turn into something more...apparently it's been pretty warm here so far. We're preparing for two Thanksgiving celebrations, one on Sunday with "church", and one at the Crowes' on Thursday. I'm so excited to be spending my first Thanksgiving in Ukraine! I thought I'd really miss home Thanksgiving, but I'm excited about this. I have a lot to thank God for.

I'm sorry if I haven't been keeping very good contact with you all. Internet's been down most of the time. But I'll see lots of people when I come home for Christmas :)