Meeting the Neighbor Girl (Yay!)

Hey, I'm so excited! I just got to meet the neighbor girl, Ira. She's 20, and going to college in Kiev, but she's home on weekends and speaks Russian, Ukrainian, and some English. Bruce met the family when they were out gardening a few days ago and said they had a daughter and that I shoudl meet her. I wanted to, but I felt anxious because i wondered how in the world it would happen. Was I jsut supposed to go knock on the door or what?

Well, I've been praying about it. And just a bit ago, when I was walking here to the Gollans to use internet, I noticed that the mom was raking in the yard. I thought "Maybe I shoudl just walk by that way, just in case we start talking..." but I was REALLY wanting to get on the internet, and was taking the short cut to save time. But I kept feeling that nudging. I thought "Ah, I'm probably just making that up." But finally I thought, "Ok God, I don't know if it's You or not, and but I'll give up my way just in case." It was a little and a big thing at the same time.

Well, I walked over there, and just then both the dad and mom walked up to me and tried to talk with me! We couldn't communicate too well, but they were really friendly. And then the dad said "Let me go get my daughter, she speaks English" or something like that. I don't think they even knew whether I was speaking English or not.

So out came Ira! Score!!! God is so amazing that way! We didn't talk long, and she said she understands quite a bit of English but can't speak it very well. I told her I was hoping to learn Russian, so maybe we could meet again and help each other. I told her she could come over and we could talk...and then she said I was welcome to come over some time too.

We parted ways, and tears jumped to my eyes. All day I've been so weak and not feeling that well (Ukrainian bacteria is finally catching up with my innards), and I've been draggy and not that great of a human being, but God answered my prayer anyway and gave me a very open door.

Now I just need courage to go knock on Ira's door. Maybe I can take her some cookies.

For Deb's birthday we made a raisin chocolate oatmeal cookie cake...it was crazy because I used a modified snickerdoodle recipe, that being the only cookie recipe available. They say not to tamper with baking recipes, but there was no choice in the matter...and the experiment worked! So there was something to put the candles in :)

I'm praising God for His faithfulness and praying for strength to keep following Him.

In Which My Language Skills (or Lack Thereof) Entertains Rzhishchiv

Aug 28

So, yesterday was Deb’s birthday (Happy Birthday Deb!) and she celebrated by going to Kiev (Bruce took her of course.) So the kids and I stayed here and did some very eccentric baking J

We went to market early, before Bruce and Deb left, and I took Tucker and Clark with me down the street to a store where I could get raisins, butter, chocolate…oh, and two lollipops. Bad idea to get lollipops for little boys when you want them to walk faster!

And then I asked for birthday candles. I had looked up “candle” in the dictionary, (vchera) and I looked up “happy birthday,” (dnyom raz dyeniya or something close). So with those two lifelines I floundered in my sea of ignorance. It was great fun! The girl was really helpful and understood what I meant, but she said they didn’t have any, and pointed me down the street the way I had come. So I paid, thanked her, and left, pleased that I had understood as much as I had. Russian is getting better every time I go out! I don’t actually know much, but when it comes down to it, communication seems pretty painless.

The next store was a similar story, and she told me where to go, but all I could gather was that it was farther down the street. So the next stop was a store I had been in before and liked…I think it’s called “Darunok.” It’s a gift store with a little bit of everything in it…tea kettles, notebooks, sunglasses, headphones, nail polish, boucy balls, hair accessories, permanent markers, and…birthday candles! Three packages of them.

I bought one happily and left in triumph for the market, where Deb was buying coats for the kids for 5 gryvny ($1) each at the PUY (Perpetual Ukrainian Yardsale). I found a coat too. It’s somewhat worn, but it’s also cozy and not bad looking, and what can I say? I now have a winter coat and it only cost a dollar.

After Deb drove home with the other kids and the groceries, Rodgy and I stayed a while longer and shopped for produce. I was hoping for pumpkins, but we didn’t see any. We did find some fresh raspberries, however…man! Raspberries are one of my favorite fruits, but I’ve very seldom had them fresh. They were much cheaper here than at home, but I’m not sure what the actual price was because I don’t know how big the container was.

I also needed some cream, and since I’d forgotten it at the blue store I went into the one Deb buys milk at in emergencies, a shop at the edge of the market. The store is small, one room and two registers, and there was a line across the whole thing of about 15 people, maybe more. We seemed to be the only ones actually shopping. Everyone else was in line.

I searched for cream in the case, but I couldn’t see anything that would be cream. I had seen the containers of cream Deb had bought, but I didn’t know the word for it. The trouble was, while I was looking, I was also cutting in line because the main section of the line went past the case of dairy products. So I went over to the counter and tried to ask the lady behind it about cream, without actually saying “cream.” Well, I did say cream quite a few times. I asked for “crem” because I know that that’s the word for lotion type stuff…and cream in Spanish is “crema” so I thought maybe there would be some connection. But she smiled and laughed and asked me if I meant kefir. No…not this time.

Then she went through all the dairy products she had, many of which I knew: moloko (milk), cmetana (sour cream), kefir (its yummy self), mas’lo (butter), yo-urt (yogurt)… but no cream. So I moved aside and pulled out my pocket dictionary. There was the word for cream. After a quick look, I went back to the counter and tried to say it, but alas, in my hurry I hadn’t really gotten it. I tried to salvage it any way and ventured “Sviky? Silky?” Should have been close enough right? The lady just looked at me and laughed and smiled some more, getting more and more animated, and talking to the other ladies behind the counter. Obviously it wasn’t working, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

I looked it up again. “Svilky?” I asked, more boldly this time. Jackpot! Aha! Sviky! No, they didn’t have any sviky. So settled on sour cream, and the woman retrieved it from the case, cackling heartily the whole time and yelling at her friends, who thought it was the most hilarious thing they’d seen this week, or this year even. I made motions to show that I was going to the end of the line, but she motioned to me and went off in a long tangent that was something to the effect of: "You just come right over here and let me help you with that, sugar plum!" So she did.

And then we left, the high amusement of half of Rzhishchiv ringing in our ears! Well, at least we provided some entertainment for someone :)

Part of God's Family

So, I've been writing blog entries like crazy, but saving them up to post. So there are a couple of long ones under this one.

I'm about to give in to the pressure and get on Facebook. I'm not sure why I'm scared to death of it, but maybe it will be like driving was: I was scared until I tried and then I loved it.

The past few days have been really pleasant...almost too "easy" it seems...I keep looking around suspiciously thinking there might be something wrong :) No emotional breakdowns or anything! I think my sleep is finally getting regulated. I'm getting less than what I got at home, but it's solid and I'm not having crazy dreams any more :) That was entertaining, but not too healthy!

I'm just enjoying where God has me. He keeps blessing me with extra gifts that overwhelm me. Last night there was a worship time at the Gollan's in English and I went down (the Crowes stayed home that time). Even though I still don't have any "history" here, and I can't the jokes people tell with an Australian accent :) I was felt so surrounded and comforted and such a part of God's family when we sang and worshiped together. It was very sweet, and knew I was loved and known there, by God's Spirit.

They say that the

"Stars at night,
Are big and bright
Deep in the heart of Texas..."

but I have to say that the stars in the heart of Rzishchiv are pretty darn bright actually...wow. Walking home from the Gollans, I just had to sing out loud under that pulsing sky! How Great Thou Art...I didn't care if I roused the whole neighborhood (I didn't, though).

God is Great, in the good feelings and bad feelings alike!

Shthtung on the Tongue

(From Aug 24)

Yeth. Thasth whah happened yestherday when I accthidentally dwank a bee thath wath dwowning in mah jduice. Now I can’th swawow mah sawiva vewy wew, and I thalk with a lithp becauth mah tongue ith bigger than mah wowah wip.

Actually, the swelling has gone down and it barely hurts any more. But yesterday evening was pretty painful. I’m learning a thing or two about bees. I always thought “you leave them alone and they’ll leave you alone,” right? Wrong. First I let one crawl up my arm, and it stung me. Then, yesterday afternoon, I waltzed into the kitchen to get a sip of juice from my bottle, which was open on the counter, and naturally having my mind elsewhere and not expecting dangerous predators to be lurking in my drink, I took a swig and was jolted out of la la land by a near-electric shock.

I’m sure the bee was shocked, too. I yelled and ran to the sink, where I spit him out and he died. And then, stinging insanely, I ran for the vinegar and poured some in my mouth (yeah, I know, very smart!) So then I was burning as well as stinging. It felt like ridges of electric current flowing through my tongue, and I could feel it swelling.

It was extremely painful for several hours. Ibuprofen didn’t help. Talking was an adventure, as well as keeping my saliva behind my dwarfed lower lip. Actually eating supper was soothing, albeit a bit awkward. After a little while it really did strike me as being a comical situation- getting stung twice in one day and on the tongue, no less! Today it’s much better, only slightly swollen and a little sore.

It’s bed time, but there is so much to write about today. It’s been such a good day. Church is at night instead of morning, and market was this morning, so around 9 Bron and I met Marie (The Gollan’s oldest daughter, who’s 11) and we walked down together. I learned a couple of things about going to market:

1. Never buy more than you can carry.

2. Always bring a drink, because no matter how pleasant and breezy it is outside, you’ll be completely dried out by the time you climb back up the hill.

3. Bring bags, or you’ll have to buy them.

Yes, I did nearly buy more than I could carry. What with the blanket, the material, sweaters, bread, kefir, zippers, and fly paper wrapped in a big bundle, I felt like a pack mule. Oh, and we got some flowers too, but the girls carried those.

We went to a garage sale type thing where there were piles of second hand clothes, tablecloths, etc laid out on tarps, and looked for winter stuff, primarily a snow suit. Deb had been down earlier and found some inexpensive ones for the boys, so I thought I would look too. I didn’t find any there, but I did get a couple of sweater type things, some material for sewing practice (I would like to get the girls together to sew, but I’m not sure what we’ll make, and used pillow covers and tablecloths will be great practice material) and also a blanket.

I’ve been really wanting a “normal” blanket, and it’s such a great little blessing: I found this one for two dollars, and it is the same kind I use on my bed at home. It’s rather well-loved, but then, so is my one at home :) I think it will contribute greatly to my health :)

So, it was, as Marie stated with a sigh of satisfaction as we started home, “a good market day.” I enjoy going to the market whether I buy anything or not, because it’s a good chance to pick up on the culture and use a little bit of Russian. I actually saw a lady from church there—she came and tapped me on the arm and said “prevyit.” I recognized her but I couldn’t think from where, and then Marie helped me out.

I’m greatly encouraged about Russian. Thanks to anyone who’s lifted up prayers on whether I should learn Russian or Ukrainian. Of course I’m still not 100% sure yet, but I’ve been asking God to show me, and He seems to be guiding me towards Russian.

Last night, Cheryl was here for supper and I was talking with her about it, and she said that if I’m only going to be here a year, I should learn Russian, because most people hear can understand it and speak some, it would be much more useful later. And once again, I said, “But I’m not planning to go to Russia…” But she told me that she has friends in other countries like Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan (I can’t remember the exact ones she said, but they were around there) and they speak Russian there. Something inside me gave a little JUMP because I’m sort of drawn to those “Stan” countries for some reason…maybe just the mystery of them, I don’t know. And if I went there and could speak Russian??? Hmm. I really have no idea what God will do with me, but since the moment she said that, I’ve had more motivation to learn Russian.

This morning I was thinking about that again, and realizing that although it’s important to live “every moment to the hilt,” to quote Jim Elliot, it’s also good to look ahead. In the past I focused so much on the future that I ignored the present, so lately I’ve swung a little too far in the other direction! I’ve gotten burned out on the word “vision,” but suddenly I’m seeing that a little vision is good seasoning for everyday life, however flavorful it already is.

So I’m asking God for vision for what comes after Ukraine to give more substance to what I am doing here. Not in the way of “I’m not content here and can’t wait to leave,” but rather, “God has led me here and I want to use this time to the fullest for His glory and whatever purposes He has.” Because He’s definitely a God of mystery, and I can’t even guess what little things He’s using in my life to prepare me for later.

So, newly inspired, I sat down with my Russian books today at the green plastic table. Deb and I studied together for a while and didn’t feel like we were getting very far. Russian is very difficult. All that declining and conjugating and fuss about imperfective and perfective, nominative and genitive and accusative and dative…(yeah, we don’t get it either.) Latin and Spanish helped give me a foundation, but this is much harder than either one, and it doesn’t help that I picked a crummy grammar book that is written for people who have already probably majored in linguistics.

However, there were two encouragements. I found a group of nine verbs that act the same way and don’t switch endings when you aren’t looking, and they are important, useful verbs, so if I learn them, I’ll be doing well. And, tonight at church, Deb and I both discovered that we were understanding much more Russian during the singing and teaching than last week! I guess I’ve made more progress than I thought.

Church was sweet tonight. Once again, the singing in Russian, Ukrainian, and English was refreshing to hear, and I enjoyed the time in the Word. Daniel was talking about 1Timothy 4 and the discussion became quite lively when someone disagreed with a point he was making and then everyone talked about it. I guess I’ve never seen that before, but it was really good, I thought, to hear what different people had to say. It made me really think about it and examine the scripture instead of just listening and possibly tuning out.

We went home around 8 and had a young couple, Altu and Svetlana, over for supper. Altu is Turkish, and Svetlana is Ukrainian. They were really nice…Bruce is trying to convince Svetlana to give us Russian lessons, but…yeah. You can pray for that. We need a teacher! They had a great teacher in Kiev, but she’s, well, in Kiev.

I’ve so enjoyed having company over here. Bruce asked me why I get so intimidated by social interaction but yet love it when we have company. That’s simple. In a crowd, it’s up to me to participate, find people to talk to, find a “spot,” etc. At home, there is the security of a family circle that you are drawing the guests into, and there’s more focus. I feel free to enjoy being with people while not having the pressure to initiate anything. I already know who to talk to, and, to be honest, I just feel safer and more comfortable that way. I want to be willing to get outside of that comfort zone…but right now I’m already out a good deal just being here. Baby steps.

This morning, God GREATLY ENCOURAGED me with verses from Psalm 37 about my many life questions.

“Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to Him. Trust also in Him, and He will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the sun, the justice of your cause like the noon day sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently (longingly) for Him…”

New (and Old) Food, Bee Sting, and Tucker

(From Aug. 23)

It’s afternoon and ya hochu pit stakan moloko…or something like that. I want to drink a glass of milk. Actually, I am drinking a glass of milk, except, I don’t know how to say that because I don’t know what to do with the verb “to drink” yet. Actually I think I said the whole sentence wrong and no Russian or Ukrainian person would understand me at all, but I try to boost my linguistic moral by stringing words together as if I really can speak Russian :) And of course, to try to impress you all. Do say you’re impressed.

Anyway…the glass of milk. We finally found some good milk. And I do mean GOOD milk! Like the little girl who had a little curl, “when it is good it is very, very good, but when it is bad it is horrid!” Isn’t “horrid” an expressive word? This milk was so fresh from the cow it was still warm when Deb bought it at the market. The dairy products go bad very quickly here, though, so you have to watch it. Last night I dumped three bags of the store milk down the sink because it reeked. (That word is for you, Connor.)

Since I’ve been here I haven’t tried a lot of new foods, although I have acquired a taste for marmalade on cheese, which is probably not a Ukrainian thing, it just happened to be in the fridge. Oh, and I’ve been enjoying the kefir! If you’re like me and hadn’t heard much about kefir before, it’s like yogurt’s robust older brother. Strong and healthy and alive with all sorts of wonderful bacteria. I’ve been told it’s very good for you, and can help calm you’re tummy. I tried a little back at the apartment, and the taste was so strong I could only drink a few sips. But it’s easy to get used to after a few tries and it’s almost addictive. I think it really does sooth your stomach. I haven’t really had stomach problems since I’ve been here, but the few times when I felt a little odd, it was soothing.

Kefir also very refreshing when it’s hot out. Yesterday I walked to the post office, and I really don’t know how far it was…it took about 45 minutes, but I was going at a leisurely pace, soaking up the sights and trying to get some pictures while there weren’t a lot of people around (it was mid afternoon) by the time I finished at the post office, I was warm and thirsty, so I went into the store next door, which carried an assortment of beer, scary looking fish, candy, juice, bread, cookies, and dairy products. And some sausage, I’m sure. I asked for some kefir, and after correcting my pronunciation (it’s ke-FEER with a rolled “r,” not KE-fur...yes, I’m from east Texas thank you…) the lady went to the fridge and brought out a bag of it like the bags they keep the milk in. Well, nyet, spasiba. I couldn’t very well drink out of a bag, so I settled on a small bottle of juice.

And one more thing that is absolutely delicious (but not Ukrainian, as far as I know) is fried banana. Deb made them yesterday and they were so good! I had always been curious about fried bananas but thought they were probably a little on the nasty side. But when I found out the kids liked them I thought maybe they’d be worth trying. If you haven’t had them before, definitely try! They would be especially yum on pancakes.

Deb just sliced the bananas (sort of older ones) long ways and laid them in the skillet with some melted butter, and fried them until they were mushy and a little brown. They get very sweet and syrupy without having any sugar added to them. Mmmm! I thought that’s a great, cheap way to satisfy a sweet tooth! You could even make it an official dessert with a little whipped cream and maybe chocolate syrup…

So, those are my thoughts on the food of late. I don’t know why I always find it necessary to explain what I’m eating. It’s not even anything that Ukrainian (well, maybe the kefir is). The staples of the Ukrainian diet seem to be rather predictable: bread, cheese, sausage, potatos, carrots, cabbage…other produce when in season. Right now there are lots of fruits and veggies, but I don’t know what it will be like in the winter.

The electricity has gone off twice today for short periods. It’s not really a big deal, except that when there’s no electricity there isn’t any water, either, because we’re on a well. But I don’t think it’s a normal occurance. I mean, I almost feel spoiled. My “morbidly cheerful” side kicks in and I always think “it could be so much worse!”

Today Bruce is laying the padding that goes under the living room carpet. The carpet has been cut and laying there, but it’s not officially down yet. It’s very nice gold colored carpet, and I like seeing the whole room bare with just that in it and the sun shining in. It’s nice not having too much to fill up the room. On the other hand, I think we will all be happy to sit on a couch again when the container comes!

I’m nursing a painful bee sting on my left arm. Earlier I was sitting on the floor in Bron’s room, trying to sew up a worn place in my jeans, and minding my own business, when I felt something crawling in my sleeve. It just tickled a little and I figured it was just an ant (which don’t bite here) so I foolishly left it alone, and then, ZAP! Wild stinging and a quick run to the bathroom for the vinegar, which Deb had told me would help if I got stung. There are a lot of bees around the house because the windows have been open, and there are no screens. The vicious stinger was still sticking out! Youch. I’m glad that none of the kids have been stung.

This morning I went outside and Tucker (5) came along, and we had some stimulating conversation about why trees have seed pods, why fuzzy things fly through the air, and how come leaves fall off the trees. Got a head full of thoughts, that one. I think he’s the fix it guy of the family. (Which they will desperately need here!) Even at five years old he’s always checking out the dryer and trying to figureout which buttons to press, how the lint filter opens, etc. And saying things like “Mom, I think the fan isn’t working because…” while examining the ailing fan.

When we go for walks, he’s always dragging and lagging behind the rest of us, head a million miles away. As Broderic said one day in Kiev during yet another Tuck delay, “It must be nice being the slow person in the family!” It can get to be a bother, but for the most part, I just find it endearing. Especially when he ambles along, gazing at the trees and flowers and sky, muttering Russian words to himself. :)

Anyhow, we were talking about the path in the woods, and he said “I saw a motorcycle and a holly dog on this road.” “And what’s a holly dog?” I asked. “Holly dogs are just light dogs that pass by and don’t bark,” Tuck replied, “well, some of them are dark, just kind of light dark, not black.” So the nice dogs are holly dogs.

A lot of the dogs here are NOT holly dogs, and they bark and try to come after you. Cheryl told me the other day to simply reach down as if I were picking up a rock to throw (and if I need to, pretend to throw it) and they’ll turn tail and run. Well, I tried it when I dog started running toward me barking, and it worked quite well!

There is not much going on today after the big week we had. So we’re doing the Ukrainian thing…taking a rest. Well, Bruce is still working on the carpet padding. I still wonder about what to “do.” I’m never sure where the line between laziness and relaxation is. And here in Ukraine, that is magnified. My Western mindset says that it’s what I do that counts, but here, getting things done is not that important to people. I think there are pros and cons to both mindsets, but I’m not sure how to know what the good part is. I feel a little lost in that today, because I feel pretty lethargic, and I don’t know whether I really should rest or if I’m just being a bum and using the tired excuse not to meet new people, work on Ukrainian, or something else.

The Whole World Becomes Richer...

(From Aug. 23)
Today Rodgy wasn’t feeling well, so I read him the last few chapters of The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster, which I brought in my luggage. He’s been reading it and really liked it. I hadn’t read it until I read some parts with him, and I love it! It’s written quite eloquently, and has a lot of clever word humor and fun though thought provoking ideas. The point of the book is that there is a purpose in knowledge and learning, even if you don’t understand why you have to learn certain things.

“ You may not see it now,” said the Princess of Pure Reason, looking knowingly at Milo’s puzzled face, “But whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes around the world; when a speck of dust falls to the ground, the entire planet weighs a little more; and when you stamp your foot, the earth moves slightly off its course. Whenever you laugh, gladness spreads like the ripples in a pond…for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer.”

Pg. 233, The Phantom Tollbooth

Happy Birthday Mom!

What a nice day. Today I've just been sort of taking a break, which included a little retreat to the woods and a walk to the post office to mail a few letters to my family. And I've been trying set up my Skype account so that I can call my mom, because it's her birthday.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

I've been just pondering things...thinking about Rzhishchiv and wondering how to be a light. Of course, I know I am already a light because God has brought me into His kingdom, I just wonder what it looks like to love people here in Ukraine, and how I will meet Ukrainians who don't know Jesus yet. Although I haven't talked with people yet, I sense that people's hearts are hard here, and that they are "asleep" in a sense.

A few nights ago I mentioned that I was sleepy and that I was feeling tired all the time. Someone said, "Well, you're made for Ukraine, then! Tiredness is a national Ukrainian trait." The culture does seem laid back to the point of lethargy. Maybe it's these hot summer days, but I don't think so. In some respects, I really like the flexibility and calm, but spiritually...

I was reading the scripture from Ephesians 5 that says "Awake, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." There is so much drunkenness here, and, I don't know..."hardened apathy" comes to mind. I'm not sure.

In my own life, I don't want to grow spiritually comatose. I realized that I die to myself and learn to let go of my will, but I can't forget that the Holy Spirit "will also give life to your mortal bodies" (Romans 8) I need that life. The life of Jesus being my passion, my suffering, my rejoicing, my labor, my love, my prayer, my light, my strength. I get so tired that I feel like just surviving, for just skimming by with being nice.

What is real love? 1 Peter says to love one another deeply, from the heart. And Ephesian 5 says to "Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." I'm suddenly seeing that showing love is so much more than being polite and understanding and nice and patient. It's not only passive, but aggressive. But what does that look like every day? It's so dangerous to just jump out and do something in our own strength, but how do I know how to love? How do I know how to serve individuals in different situations? I guess I have to hear God's voice.

He's had so much favor on me, using the difficulties and disappointments or inconveniences (like with the internet) to constantly bind me to Him. I can't run off and be dependent on things that work or easy circumstances.

Well, I need to go. Blessings.

A Few Pictures

Hey everyone...internet is still quite unpredictable, but I'm just rejoicing over having it for the moment :) I'm learning lots of things here...or as the Australians would say it, "heaps of things."
I'm not sure what the Ukrainians say. :) Patience is such a virtue.

Can't be on long, but here's a picture of Tuck and me eating yellow tomatoes from the tomato farm. The fresh produce here is delicious and beautiful. Deb and I really like the market. They have it three days a week downtown, and it's not crowded, and people don't pressure you to buy. You can just look at your leisure. Today we got heating coils and buckets to heat water in for dishes and showers. (Yay!) Eventually we'll get hot water.
The sun is pretty intense here, although it's pretty cool and pleasant a lot of the time. Here's a pictue facing West-ish from the front of the house...this is part of the view from Bron and I's room, althought the picture was taken from the ground. That's the neighbors house down there.

Sorry for such a messy post. Here's part of the market from this morning. We bought milk jugs across the street-- glass ones, since the milk we got in plastic bottles was rather toxic. We'll know better next time, maybe!

In the morning Bruce and Deb are going back to Kiev for one more cleaning/business day, so I'll be here with the kids. They play outside lots and behave well, although the mental part of "managing" and adjusting kind of wears me out. But things are going well. God is good.

My prayer every morning is, "God You can have all of me." I don't quite know what that means, but we'll see!

Please pray that I'll be able to sleep better...I think I miss the familiar blankets on my bed, oddly enough. I know it's weird, but I want my blankie :) I get so tired but then can't actually go to sleep because things just seem "off." This too shall pass.

I love you, dear friends!

Culture Shock, Round 2

I'm posting! I'm posting!

I'm sitting in the loft at the Gollan's before church starts (evening) and using Bruce's computer. I haven't tried mine yet.

We're now in Rzhishchiv for good...no more apartment. I'm very happy and very sad about that at the same time. We moved out here on Friday to the house, which has very little dishes or furniture and a lot unfinished, but it does have great working appliances and space, and room for the kids to play and...did I mention running water? It has running water. Very cold running water. There is no hot water, but the way I'm looking at that is, what if all we had was HOT? That would be miserable!

The past few days have been pretty tough, because moving to Rz has started culture shock over again for me, complete with jetlag feelings because got very little sleep for a couple of nights. So I've really felt like crawling under something and crying a lot, but at the same time I still want to be helpful around here. I feel very much like I've been ejected out of a safe, secure womb and now am kicking and squalling "Put me back!" I have no history here and no basis. I've been born all over again into a scary world where I no longer know how to even talk properly. I was even asked what my accent was...that it didn't sound American! (The people I've met here are from Ukraine, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada, so you can imagine how that messes with your mind.)

On Friday night I came down to the Gollan's house, where they were having a hang out night and talking, playing games, checking internet, and looking at pictures of a vacation some of them recently took to the Black Sea. So I got to meet people! I was excited, but also so overwhelmed. They were so nice to me, but I struggled with the realization that it's going to take so much time to build relationships. I'm the youngest here, besides the kids, so once again I have the of being a baby...how do I always get in these situations where I feel so immature? But. These are just feelings, and I keep having to get back up on my feet and stand on God's word, the Truth... Jesus.

There are quite a few Ukrainian girls probably in their 20's in the church here, and very few guys. And then there are the Aussie folks, New Zealand folks, and I met Cheryl, who is Canadian. We talked some, and played Boggle :) That night I went home and cried and sweated on my mattress, looking out the window at the stars. God, do You see me fitting in here? I really like the people, I just feel like such a loner. I want to plug in, but a year doesn't even seem long enough for that. But I suddenly remembered that He sees the situation with different eyes, all knowing eyes. He saw the situation ahead of time and said, "I'm going to put Cassie over there." He must have been pretty confident about, because He sent me all the way across the world to get me there! And if there's nothing else I feel certian of, at least I know He's put me here.

I keep thinking of Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask and think, according to His power that is at work within us..."

So I made a list of all I'm hoping for...

To build relationships here and really fellowship
To learn Ukrainian and connect with Ukrainian people
Love and serve the Crowes
Share the gospel of Jesus Christ...

So yeah. Good things? Jesus. The beautiful countryside (complete with forests, corn patches, wildflowers, dandilion puffs, white brick houses and barns, rolling pastures, and even three fat goats a couple houses down) The Crowes. They've been so patient and it's so nice to be with them. There is no other family I coudl live with like this. I feel really comfortable with them. The market. Deb and I went this morning and bought beautiful vegetables for stew, as well as fresh milk and honey.

The guitar is tuning up downstairs, so I think I'll go join now and worship the Lord. I just keep giving my heart to Him over and over.

I'll try to blog more. My brain has just been the consistency of babyfood the past few days, and I hope to thicken it up soon. You just can't imagine the adjustment this is until you come :) But God is so, so big and good. I love His ways. There's no figuring Him out. He can (and will) do way more than I think!

I love you all...

P.S. I have an Australian flag tatooed on my ankle. (Temporarily of course) My 8 year old friend Angel (she is definitely an angel to me) gave it to me, obviously expecting me to wear it, and, well, what could I say? I'm not going anywhere fancy any time soon! So she obligingly put it on for me. I like it. Now I match hers! She also scooched up in a camping chair with me at the house and asked me to read Amelia Bedelia to her. Who could resist?

Unfortunately...

So, I updated something wrong on my computer and it wrecked internet for me. Unfortunately, it probably won't be fixed till I can get the software (presently located under my bed in Texas with the dust bunnies) and do something to it...Bruce knows...

So. I can type updates on my computer and load them with the Crowes' computer when they have internet. In everything give thanks :)

I need to go to bed...we just had a magnificent chicken curry, complements of Deb. We've been in a park in Kiev most of the afternoon, and tomorrow we're going to a worship service here and then maybe Rzhishchiv after. Must get some rest.

Ya Tse Lyublyu!

Today, Deb and I (plus Brent and Clark, who are 6 and 2,) went into Kiev a bit and shopped at some second hand stores with Priscilla, who came from Rzhishchiv to meet us. Bruce dropped us off at the metro and Priscilla met us, then took us to the shops. It was rainy, windy, and a bit chilly. I picked the wrong day to wear shorts!

But it felt really good, and by the time we were done shopping in the first store, the rain had pretty much stopped.

(Deb, Clark, Me, Brent)

We wound through a little market area, and then came out to a row of buildings that were covered but open front and back, with wooden floors like you’d find in a barn. There were racks and tables all over, and it was basically what you’d find in a goodwill or resale shop…but I liked it better. There were both ratty things and quite nice things! It was a big thrill for me to get to use my teeny bit of Russian and learn a bit about the culture..

Priscilla was really sweet and helpful. I’m so thankful for the godly examples I have in her and Deb. They really are women who love the Lord, and love their husbands and kids. I don’t know Priscilla well yet, but I can tell.

During the shopping time, I found a long brown sweater coat that was like new, a thin green scarf, and a brown purse for $16 altogether. I went ahead and bought them, and I was really glad not only to get the things, but to have the experience of getting them! In each section of the store, there was a clerk to help you out (you paid them right there) so there was no check out. I had a hard time communicating with the first guy in Russian, but then he laughed at me and switched to English, and I understood pretty well.

In the second section, I asked a few questions of the girl working there, but my Russian wasn’t getting us anywhere, and couldn’t speak English. Priscilla helped translate a little, but I mostly just smiled and laughed a lot…nervously. I wanted so badly to talk to her, but I just wasn’t sure how! Priscilla said, “When you try to speak their language to them, that’s a gesture of love.”

So I tried. I desperately wanted to. Then Clark suddenly had to go potty, so Priscilla took Deb to find the exciting potties…not my story to tell! So Brent and I wandered around that part of the store some more. But I didn’t really wanted to buy more, so I was just standing there. I noticed the girl wasn’t busy, and with fewer people around, I felt braver. So I went over to her and asked “What is your name?” in Russian. “Lana,” she replied. And then she asked my name, and we started talking. We stumbled and fumbled and I laughed and shrugged my shoulders a whole lot. But I was so excited I couldn’t keep my smile in. She was really nice, and looked a lot like my oldest cousin, Mattie (not my sister Mattie).

We managed to communicate (without any English!) that she was a student in Ukraine and her family lives here in Kiev, and that I’m not a student here, but I’m an American staying with friends and helping take care of their children, and I’ve been here five days. And we're both 19. She kept saying something about chai and coffee, and I think I told her I had had coffee with breakfast (who knows what I actually said or didn’t say! But finally I realized that she was asking if she could get me some coffee! I nodded vigorously…it was perfect coffee weather and the store was a little drafty. That sweater I bought was looking better and better.

She left to get the coffee and I turned away, grinning from ear to ear, suddenly flooded with a sense of being accepted. I’ve struggled with entering this country suspicious of people because I hear so much about the crime and lack of morals, but I want to look at them with eyes of love and understanding instead of fear and judgement. These kind clerks, (who weren’t even being pushy about buying things!) were reshaping my impressions.

Lana returned with two tiny plastic cups half full of steaming black coffee. Nothing wimpy about that coffee! She smiled and stirred and I smiled back and inhaled deeply, making “mmm” noises. Then brought it to my lips…and tasted…whoa!!! Coffee with an attitude!!! It was good, too. But I could see why they only serve it two ounces at a time! So now I know why I didn’t feel sleepy today…

We talked just a little more until our conversation sort of fizzled out. Priscilla and Deb came back. I wanted to get a picture with my new friend, but she had gone out of the room. So we went on to another store, my heart light and soaring.

I’ve been asking God what He has for me here as far as sharing the gospel goes. It could be easy to sort of hide away and occupy myself with the kids and not really attempt much else. I know Rzhishchiv will be different, but here in Kiev, how do you go about actually meeting people?

Deb and I were down at the beach (by the river) with the kids on Monday and saw lots and lots of people sprawled all over the beach, obviously in a pretty lost condition. I was there to play with the kids and have a refreshing swim, and that was good, but I was wondering, "God, how would You reach all these people?"

I know that there’s a place for street evangelism, or just walking up to people and talking with them, but I don’t know if that’s for everyone. What does He want for me? Not only do I want to practice Russian, I want to make friends, for my sake and theirs. And I want to share the Treasure I have.

So I was asking these questions, and then came today, and Lana…I know it was God’s way of nudging me and saying, “Here’s how…" And out shopping, no less!

I enjoyed being in those shops so much. Deb found some towels and a lot of English books (the stuff at those stores is apparently from humanitarian aid groups, some from Germany or the UK or wherever, so the stuff is marked down but there’s still a cost because of customs or something. Not sure how it works.) There were lots of beautiful skirts, especially. I got to use my “Izvinitye” (Excuse me) and “Skolka” (how much?” a lot.

I found myself just really enjoying it and feeling so at home, even when we got on the dingy old metro, feeling grimy from all the handling. At one point, I told Deb, “I’m just so content.” I’m so grateful that God has brought me here. He knows I have so many issues, but He brought me to this amazing place to deal with them instead of making me stay home until I was perfect :) haha, like that was going to happen! And maybe, in the process, I’ll get to bless the Crowes and show love to others.

It was long past lunch time when we passed McDonalds on the way from the metro to the bus, so Deb ran in and got some ice cream for us (after standing in line for what must have been twenty minutes.) But it was sunny by now, and breezy, and pretty much perfect weather for standing outside and not sweating. The little boys were so incredibly patient. Neither of them whined a lick. And I picked up a new Russian phrase while we stood there…McDonalds’ phrase, “I’m lov’in it,” off the umbrellas outside:

Ya Tse Lyublyu!

Seems to sum it up about right!

Rzhchshiv, Meet Expectations...Expectations, Meet Rzhchishiv

Huh. It's funny that now where I sign into my blog is all in Ukrainian :) I just have to guess at what to click...

There's so much to say about Rz, and I want a warm bath before bed. The cold water is off in Kiev right now, so we've been heating water in a pot to add for bathes. I've been doing cold showers since I go here. Quite invigorating, but I get the feeling I'm just smearing around the the greasiness, you know?

So, we drove out there (about 1 1/2 hour drive) on Sunday around noon, because they meet in the evening instead of morning for church.

I was nervous about it and I guess feeling unsettled because going from Kiev to Rzchishiv was an added culture shock. It's amazing how quickly we adapt ourselves and make a new comfort zone when our usual one is ruptured! The apartment had become friendly and homey to me in less than two days, and I was apprehensive about leaving.

I've had great opportunity to re-bond with baby Noah since I've been here because of these van rides, because there's no carseat, so I get to hold him! He is the most comfortable, docile, lap sitting baby you could ask for. Seriously. He's a little fluffier than a few months ago, and he's really relaxed, so he just lays there basking, which is actually very comforting to me. Sometimes it gets a little sticky and drooly, but it's worth it :)

The Crowes got a van for a few days instead of the rental car, so there was room for all of us. And the seats in the back face each other, so we have a grand old time. On the ride over we handed around cold pizza for lunch and I lodged Noah between Rodgy and me, where he promptly fell fast asleep with his head cocked back. As we got farther into the countryside, the road got crazy and bumpy and we were kind of flying around, so I held him and supported his head so that he wouldn't get whip lash :) Here we are...
We bumped down the road past hay fields and trailing willows, pines, poplars...rolling hills and forests. It's such a rich beauty. The tiny villages look tight and close because of all the underbrush and flowers and narrow roads. They don't believe in lawn mowers here! I love the flamey beds of color...scarlet and fuscia zinnias, yellow and orange marigolds, something dainty and lavender, pale, buttery larkspur, nodding sunflowers, purple petunias, and even some hollyhocks. Out of town, the river is royal blue and broad. Apparently in this area it breaks into a lot of different streams and joins up again later, so there are many islands.

About the house...it's even nicer than I expected! Very modern, it seemed :) I think it's going to be great. The work is very slow, but what's been done is very nice. The kitchen and dining room walls have fresh coats of green paint with white trim, and the cabinets are a pleasant reddish brown. The yard is a clutter of weeds, brick rubble, grape vines, and fruit trees. Fruit trees with fruit on them, which I've rarely seen at home! We even ate a few apricots.

The house was covered every inch in fine white dust mingled with some grit from the work, so everything and everyone was grimy and icky by the time we left. But it was fun to see the new house and imagine living in it (in less than three weeks!) It needs more tile and carpet, as well as hot water and internet. That water gives a whole new meaning to the word "cold!"

We went to the Gollan's around five and my apprehension suddenly heightened as I realized I was walking into a room of strangers. Some of them spoke English and some spoke Ukrainian or Russian or both, and I didn't know who spoke what. And I felt freaked out. Part of it was having been up since 2:30, and that jetlag had picked that opportune time to do it's thing with my mushy brain. I was afraid to close my eyes during the prayer because I was literally drifting off.
But I just sat and listened. And afterwards, it was better because I got to actually meet a few people, which helped eliminate some of the sizing up of the situation. I hate sizing people up, but I'm bound to do it if I never actually talk to them and see what they're really like. I've looked so forward to meeting everyone, and suddenly I was seized with a sort of fear about my expectations.

But I talked with the Gollans just a bit...Angel, a sweet little girl of eight, sidled up to me and introduced herself and said "You must be Cassie. We've heard so much about you" in her Australian accent :) I met the other kids too, and Priscilla greeted me and talked with me a bit, and I felt better. And as I was walking down the stairs, Daniel called out, "You're not what I expected!"

I laughed because that's not the first time I've heard that! In fact, three people have said that to me, and my natural response is, "Well what did you expect?" :) And then I just have to laugh because, thought no one has said it, I get the idea that they thought I would be more bold and outgoing...and here I am, this rather shy, unimpressive sheep! I keep thinking of the verse in Corinthians where Paul says somethings like, "I did not come to you with great power and fine words, but in weakness and with much trembling."

Yep, that's me. But at the same time, it's a delight. Since I've been here, I've been much more free of the pressure to be perfect all the time...in the way I look, what I do, and how I come across to people. That's really exciting to me! I guess in the States everything is so neat and safe and scheduled, and if something is out of line, it had better get fixed. Everything works properly, or should, if you're up to par.

But "par" here is kind of haphazard and crazy. Around me, life is imperfect. There's is no air conditioning and no hot water, the kitchen is so small that I spill everything, the floor is dirty and the road is full of potholes. But I can live with it! And when those little moments of comfort and order come, like a glimpse at the newly painted wall or a look out the window at the shining blue river, or the clean breeze embracing me as I step out the door...well then I'm filled with a wonder I might not notice if things were more "perfect" as a whole. I hope this makes sense.

Just been thinking a lot about expectations and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with them. Obviously, people here who know I'm coming have expectations of me too. We'll probably both surprise and disappoint one another a number of times. Here's a quote from The Shack (not quite done reading it).

(Jesus speaking to the main character)
"You are free to love without an agenda."

That's what I want to do!

Nite, now.

A Glimpse of Kiev

Wow! It's so nice to have all those comments! I don't have much time, but I wanted to write a little something before we go to Rz. for the day/night/tomorrow. I'm really excited to meet the Crowe's friends there, but suddenly I've become nervous because I guess I have these unexpected expectations. Hm. I just want my expectations to be on the Lord. Been thinking on Prov. 10:28.

I've been up since 2:30, and a gross thing happened to me. I chewed up a plastic capsule on accident! On my way here, I stuck a few of the capsules I was taking in a plastic bag with the sesame sticks I was carrying on for a snack.

So last night, when I woke up, I was starving to death because the time at home would've been about an hour after supper. I remembered my snack, so I got up in the dark, found the bag, and dropped a good handful of sesame sticks into my mouth. I chewed and crunched, and then bit down on something pretty hard, sort of plasticky, and extremely nasty tasting!!! It was a raspberry capsule, and it did NOT taste good.

So I spit it out and went on eating a few more handfuls. Then I went back to bed. I tried really hard to be good and go back to sleep, but I just couldn't. And I got hungry again. So, I got out the bag again, grabbed another handful of sesame sticks, and guess what...did it again! Talk about disgusting.

Moral to this story: Never eat snacks in the dark. Better yet, never travel to a foreign country where you'll have such bad jetlag that you wake up in the middle of the night wanting to eat supper because it's supper time where you came from.

No, actually, it's all worth it. Rasberry capsules and all. Last night the Crowes took me downtown to see Kiev. On weekends they close some of the streets around the square so that people can just walk around. It's like we have festivals downtown at home, only here, every summer weekend is a festival because they have to enjoy the weather while they have it! There were hundreds of people milling about, venders selling sun glasses and cheap toys, and young guys dressed like the 80's break dancing. King's Kids would have drooled :) I don't know if break dancing is really my style...it makes me a little uncomfortable, but at the same time, it's pretty fascinating. The Crowe kids loved seeing it.

So here was my favorite part, the fountain. (Finally, some pictures.) They all just wade around in the fountains, which is probably not sanitary, but is a whole lot of fun nontheless!(Brent, me, Bron, Tucker, Broderic)

And here is one of the magnificent statues we saw. They're warrior guardians of some sort. On the high hill near the bridge where we crossed the river, there was a similar statue standing tall sort of like the Statue of Liberty, only it was a guy, and he had wings, and he carried a sword and what looked like a candle. It made me want to cry; it was so majestic and powerful looking, and yet, it was a gentle power. It reminded me very much of our God who is a mighty refuge, who keeps us in the shadow of His wings. I don't have a picture of that one yet, but here's a smaller one...
And here is a flower garden near the fountain...
I takes my breath...God is so beautiful. And then, here is a picture of the people "milling about the square." They were just walking, talking, wading in the fountain, some of them drinking and just hanging out. The air was around 70 degrees at that time, and it felt awesome. Don't get too jealous...in a few months I'll be moaning about frostbite!
After that we had pizza at a nice pizza place called "Cili's" and went home.

Ok, I really do have to go now. I can hear little people playing legos in the other room and I need to figure out what to take with me to Rz. It's so hard to find my things because they are so randomly buried in several different suitcases. I packed everything really tightly, and nothing broke or exploded, but it is definitely a mess now!

Plane Conversations and My Beer-Drinking Angel

Here are things that happened on the trip...

God answered my prayer for conversations! I talked with an Indian lady doctor who plopped down beside me while I was waiting in the Shreveport airport. She gave me her whole philosophy (she’s a Hindu scientist, I think) and really challenged me. The conversation was really intense. We talked about God a lot, but I didn’t say a lot because I didn’t want to argue, and I wasn’t sure what God would have me say. She was much older than me and very sure of herself and extremely good at intellectual argument…not my strong point. But it was exciting to be able to talk about the Lord with a stranger, just like I had prayed. She saw me as weak and naïve, but I know God’s power was still at work in the things I said. Unlike past conversations like that, I didn’t feel pressured to prove anything!

I guess God knew that that conversation had mentally exhausted me, so the next one He gave me was actually really refreshing. And it happened because I did another sort of dumb thing. I journaled on the plane while squeezed between two strangers. It was personal stuff, but I decided it didn’t matter much if they tried to read it since I’d never see either of them again. And what was I going to do, not journal? No way.

So I scribbled and scribbled away, and suddenly, when I turned a page to scribble further, the guy on my right (I think in his 30’s), said, “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help seeing what you’re writing there…are you writing a book or something?” I laughed outright, and felt slightly sheepish. But I had been writing really openly about my thoughts on the book I was reading and about the life I just left behind, heavily mixed with my prayers to God.

So he started talking about the Lord, and because of the things he had read in my journal, we plunged into a very comfortable, enjoyable conversation about life and world history and God and the book of Revelations and all sorts of things. It went on for 4 1/2hours! He would ask me about things I had written, because obviously, not knowing me, he was wondering about some of my ideas. He seemed to be a pretty solid believer, and I had that weird feeling of meeting someone familiar in a strange land. I guess that’s what the body of Christ is like. It was really uplifting, and it made my longest flight pass quickly, so I really took it as a gift.

On the plane from Amsterdam, stuck between a nice Ukrainian girl and a rather garrulous Ukrainian sailor, I got my first clue that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore, Toto…I had made several friends on other flights and met people who really helped me out, whether it was hoisting my luggage into the overhead compartment, finding a terminal map, giving directions, or repeating to me what the garbled instruction over intercom were. So by this time I just thought the world must be full of nice, helpful people :)

I talked with Yulia, the girl, for a while, and then she and the sort of scruffy sailor leaned across me and my seat and rattled on in Russian for a long time while I dozed off and on. The guy kept drinking beer, and the smell was making me a bit ill. Then Yulia reported that had he said I would be a lot more attractive if I had longer hair. I just kind of laughed…I sort of counted being unattractive to him a plus. I could’ve told him he would be more attractive if his breath didn’t reek of beer…but, being me, I didn’t say that.

So the ride ended, and the guzzling sailor got my luggage down for me, which redeemed him a little. So I went through the airport, which was small and full of Ukrainian people with much less luggage than I had. I felt like I had a big red sign on my forehead that said the Ukrainian equivalent of “Gringo.”

I struggled and fumbled around with the luggage, just going one step at a time with the paperwork and luggage and not really feeling fearful. But the luggage was hard to deal with, and it was a while before I could get a cart. There was no way I could move it myself! I was heaving it one piece at a time and dragging it to my pile. As I stooped to grab the last piece, I caught a whiff of something familiar...the sickening beer smell…and I looked up to see my, um, “friend.”

I said hi and then walked away, but a few minutes later he came over to where I was standing at a kiosk staring at a declaration form with a really confused look on my face. He said “Here, here, let me help.” And he tried to help, but that was confusing too. I asked him which way the customs desk was, and suddenly he just handed me a declaration form, pushed his luggage into a corner, and said, “Come with me. I’ll talk and you just show them your passport.”

During this interchange I was thinking “Is it safe to even be talking with this guy? And now I’m going to follow him?” I felt like having a Red Riding Hood moment like the one in Hoodwinked where she looks up at the wolf and says “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” But I didn’t. He wasn't drunk, at least, for all that beer, and he was pushing my cart toward customs, where I needed to go anyway, so I went, just praying…

We didn’t even take my luggage to the desk. He went over to the lady and talked to her sort of confidentially and then came back to me, and said “Let’s go, let’s go.” I had determined I was NOT going anywhere besides where I already needed to go, and there were lots of people around. It happened so fast. Within three minutes of getting to customs he had pushed my cart through the double doors into the crowd and, catching the closing doors with his foot, said “I have to go back; my luggage is in there.” And then he was gone, and I was standing there holding my stamped passport, stunned, like I had just been guided through by an angel. A boozing angel, at that!

After waiting a while at the windows, Bruce and Bron came and took me home, and that was that...

P.S. I just ate some raisin yogurt! It was very weird but very yum! The yogurt and cheese have a similar strong flavor that is really good.

I'm Here!

I'm in Ukraine!! I have a lot to tell about the journey itself, but lets suffice it to say I conquered, (you know what "I" really means), and I'll tell more of the story tomorrow or whenever I manage to get out of bed...about my unlikely angel, the conversations, the fun little jogs through the airport. I made friends at every turn, it seems. God was just there at every step.

I don't have any words for Kiev right now, so I'll save that for later...It's so good to be with the Crowes again :)