Wow. Today was kind of one of those days where I want to change the world. Its such an awefully big place! Its pretty overwhelming, though exciting too.
After lunch this afternoon, Connor whipped up some ice coffee for the two of us (nobody else was home, so they totally missed out) and we a a siblingly chat in our homeade cafe. It's nice to sit and talk about life, and the possibilities of the future. I guess you could say we're both learning to be globally minded, and being 15 and 18 in a increasingly globalizing world, possibilities for going, doing, and being seem to be exploding on our horizons. At least distant horizons, that is :) I don't know what I will do with my life...honestly I'm giving it every day to God and I know I will only go where He leads, but I am excited that He is a God of Future and Hope.
After taking multiple missions trips, going through a rather intensive geography class this school year, and nosing curiously into various cultures and stories, I'm suddenly burdened with the staggering weight of the world's problems. It's not something I'm supposed to bear, I suppose, but I've been feeling it rather keenly. Racial hatred in Rwanda, nuclear weapons in Iran, Israel's struggle for their promise land, unloved orphans in China, darkness and depression in Ukraine, hungry children in India, the persecuted church in many nations, AIDs and the ravages of the late slave trade all over Africa...it goes on and on...I have to humbly admit, I can't, and don't, carry the burden, even in prayer; but I often feel guilty for not doing so! I end up thinking I'm expected to do something about it when perhaps God would just have me sensitively open up my heart to share His pain and joy. "My burden is easy and light..."
Connor and I's approaches to changing the world are a bit different. While I open up my heart to painful issues and then suddenly feel like a ten ton boulder has smashed it into the ground, Connor seems to maintain hope and have ideas about how to give it. It's called vision, I think. He was just mentioning this afternoon how cool it is for people to help start micro businesses in third world countries (such as loaning a poverty stricken family money to get a small fridge and some chickens...wallah! A grocery store!) I've heard this really works. Usually I find myself crying about orphaned kids...or a similar trouble. A few days ago in a conversation I heard about an orphanage in China...there is this room where kids just lay there silently, all day. "They don't even cry anymore, because they know no one is coming." Wow. Yesterday morning at breakfast our family was having an expostulation over whether and why Mexicans call Mexico the United States of America (an interesting thought) and why WE have the right to call ourselves that...and I just burst out "I'm so sick of all the conflict! I just want to go back to bed!" Aside from the fact that I'd just gotten up on the wrong side of the bed, I am just so worn out thinking of all the conflicts between all the countries in the whole wide world...and we Americans always thinking we're better! I'm sick of my own predjudices and those of my country. I know there can be no peace without Jesus...but I can hardly live with myself sometimes.
When my family reads this, they'll groan. What they're sick of is my scruples, the constant wrestling matches with my conscience, and the garbled guts that get spilled on them frequently. But I have to ask these questions. How can I live responsibly in a world where the skirt I just bought, cost, (on sale) the equivalent of what an Indian man can support his family on decently for two weeks? How can I rationally justify my life up against 1 John 3:16-20? How can I extricate myself from the cultural expectations of a grossly materialistic society? And what about my feeble prayers? I want to "set my heart at rest in His presence" but I am pretty confused and tormented by a lot of things. I cling to His blood that saves me, and trust that He'll show me the way before I experience heart failure...
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4 comments:
I feel like I should apologize for Geography class--but I just can't! I think you would agree that ignorance is not preferable to knowing and praying. And don't forget the amazing things God is doing all over His world--and how stupendously beautiful and precious it is. And don't forget that God chooses people just like you to do His work here . . .
hey cass,
i am not sure what to say. I sometime feel the same way, about America being so arrogant. I luv You and praying 4 you 2=)
Dear friend,
I love you. I started to read this post yesterday and got stuck on 'chinese orphans'. Then I left your sight without finnishing the article and looked up chinese orphans all over the web. I had no idea how I got onto it, I probably spent a good hour. Now, reading your article I remembered that was what prompted me. It's not like me to stop in the middle of reading something, but I felt compelled. All that to say, I now want to take care of orphans in China. Who knows what God will do, but if He brings this to fruition then it will have been definetly directed with two words on your blog. God is big!
dear Mrs. Burklin...
I would never want you to apologize for geography class! :) For one thing, I really did enjoy it, even if it was a pain at times...and for another, I am incredibly amazed, pleased, and excited to be equipped in this way to be able to know about the world a little more competantly, and to have my mind opened up. I'm indebted to your commitment, effort and love in teaching me this year!!
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