Culture Shock, Round 2

I'm posting! I'm posting!

I'm sitting in the loft at the Gollan's before church starts (evening) and using Bruce's computer. I haven't tried mine yet.

We're now in Rzhishchiv for good...no more apartment. I'm very happy and very sad about that at the same time. We moved out here on Friday to the house, which has very little dishes or furniture and a lot unfinished, but it does have great working appliances and space, and room for the kids to play and...did I mention running water? It has running water. Very cold running water. There is no hot water, but the way I'm looking at that is, what if all we had was HOT? That would be miserable!

The past few days have been pretty tough, because moving to Rz has started culture shock over again for me, complete with jetlag feelings because got very little sleep for a couple of nights. So I've really felt like crawling under something and crying a lot, but at the same time I still want to be helpful around here. I feel very much like I've been ejected out of a safe, secure womb and now am kicking and squalling "Put me back!" I have no history here and no basis. I've been born all over again into a scary world where I no longer know how to even talk properly. I was even asked what my accent was...that it didn't sound American! (The people I've met here are from Ukraine, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada, so you can imagine how that messes with your mind.)

On Friday night I came down to the Gollan's house, where they were having a hang out night and talking, playing games, checking internet, and looking at pictures of a vacation some of them recently took to the Black Sea. So I got to meet people! I was excited, but also so overwhelmed. They were so nice to me, but I struggled with the realization that it's going to take so much time to build relationships. I'm the youngest here, besides the kids, so once again I have the of being a baby...how do I always get in these situations where I feel so immature? But. These are just feelings, and I keep having to get back up on my feet and stand on God's word, the Truth... Jesus.

There are quite a few Ukrainian girls probably in their 20's in the church here, and very few guys. And then there are the Aussie folks, New Zealand folks, and I met Cheryl, who is Canadian. We talked some, and played Boggle :) That night I went home and cried and sweated on my mattress, looking out the window at the stars. God, do You see me fitting in here? I really like the people, I just feel like such a loner. I want to plug in, but a year doesn't even seem long enough for that. But I suddenly remembered that He sees the situation with different eyes, all knowing eyes. He saw the situation ahead of time and said, "I'm going to put Cassie over there." He must have been pretty confident about, because He sent me all the way across the world to get me there! And if there's nothing else I feel certian of, at least I know He's put me here.

I keep thinking of Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask and think, according to His power that is at work within us..."

So I made a list of all I'm hoping for...

To build relationships here and really fellowship
To learn Ukrainian and connect with Ukrainian people
Love and serve the Crowes
Share the gospel of Jesus Christ...

So yeah. Good things? Jesus. The beautiful countryside (complete with forests, corn patches, wildflowers, dandilion puffs, white brick houses and barns, rolling pastures, and even three fat goats a couple houses down) The Crowes. They've been so patient and it's so nice to be with them. There is no other family I coudl live with like this. I feel really comfortable with them. The market. Deb and I went this morning and bought beautiful vegetables for stew, as well as fresh milk and honey.

The guitar is tuning up downstairs, so I think I'll go join now and worship the Lord. I just keep giving my heart to Him over and over.

I'll try to blog more. My brain has just been the consistency of babyfood the past few days, and I hope to thicken it up soon. You just can't imagine the adjustment this is until you come :) But God is so, so big and good. I love His ways. There's no figuring Him out. He can (and will) do way more than I think!

I love you all...

P.S. I have an Australian flag tatooed on my ankle. (Temporarily of course) My 8 year old friend Angel (she is definitely an angel to me) gave it to me, obviously expecting me to wear it, and, well, what could I say? I'm not going anywhere fancy any time soon! So she obligingly put it on for me. I like it. Now I match hers! She also scooched up in a camping chair with me at the house and asked me to read Amelia Bedelia to her. Who could resist?

Unfortunately...

So, I updated something wrong on my computer and it wrecked internet for me. Unfortunately, it probably won't be fixed till I can get the software (presently located under my bed in Texas with the dust bunnies) and do something to it...Bruce knows...

So. I can type updates on my computer and load them with the Crowes' computer when they have internet. In everything give thanks :)

I need to go to bed...we just had a magnificent chicken curry, complements of Deb. We've been in a park in Kiev most of the afternoon, and tomorrow we're going to a worship service here and then maybe Rzhishchiv after. Must get some rest.

Ya Tse Lyublyu!

Today, Deb and I (plus Brent and Clark, who are 6 and 2,) went into Kiev a bit and shopped at some second hand stores with Priscilla, who came from Rzhishchiv to meet us. Bruce dropped us off at the metro and Priscilla met us, then took us to the shops. It was rainy, windy, and a bit chilly. I picked the wrong day to wear shorts!

But it felt really good, and by the time we were done shopping in the first store, the rain had pretty much stopped.

(Deb, Clark, Me, Brent)

We wound through a little market area, and then came out to a row of buildings that were covered but open front and back, with wooden floors like you’d find in a barn. There were racks and tables all over, and it was basically what you’d find in a goodwill or resale shop…but I liked it better. There were both ratty things and quite nice things! It was a big thrill for me to get to use my teeny bit of Russian and learn a bit about the culture..

Priscilla was really sweet and helpful. I’m so thankful for the godly examples I have in her and Deb. They really are women who love the Lord, and love their husbands and kids. I don’t know Priscilla well yet, but I can tell.

During the shopping time, I found a long brown sweater coat that was like new, a thin green scarf, and a brown purse for $16 altogether. I went ahead and bought them, and I was really glad not only to get the things, but to have the experience of getting them! In each section of the store, there was a clerk to help you out (you paid them right there) so there was no check out. I had a hard time communicating with the first guy in Russian, but then he laughed at me and switched to English, and I understood pretty well.

In the second section, I asked a few questions of the girl working there, but my Russian wasn’t getting us anywhere, and couldn’t speak English. Priscilla helped translate a little, but I mostly just smiled and laughed a lot…nervously. I wanted so badly to talk to her, but I just wasn’t sure how! Priscilla said, “When you try to speak their language to them, that’s a gesture of love.”

So I tried. I desperately wanted to. Then Clark suddenly had to go potty, so Priscilla took Deb to find the exciting potties…not my story to tell! So Brent and I wandered around that part of the store some more. But I didn’t really wanted to buy more, so I was just standing there. I noticed the girl wasn’t busy, and with fewer people around, I felt braver. So I went over to her and asked “What is your name?” in Russian. “Lana,” she replied. And then she asked my name, and we started talking. We stumbled and fumbled and I laughed and shrugged my shoulders a whole lot. But I was so excited I couldn’t keep my smile in. She was really nice, and looked a lot like my oldest cousin, Mattie (not my sister Mattie).

We managed to communicate (without any English!) that she was a student in Ukraine and her family lives here in Kiev, and that I’m not a student here, but I’m an American staying with friends and helping take care of their children, and I’ve been here five days. And we're both 19. She kept saying something about chai and coffee, and I think I told her I had had coffee with breakfast (who knows what I actually said or didn’t say! But finally I realized that she was asking if she could get me some coffee! I nodded vigorously…it was perfect coffee weather and the store was a little drafty. That sweater I bought was looking better and better.

She left to get the coffee and I turned away, grinning from ear to ear, suddenly flooded with a sense of being accepted. I’ve struggled with entering this country suspicious of people because I hear so much about the crime and lack of morals, but I want to look at them with eyes of love and understanding instead of fear and judgement. These kind clerks, (who weren’t even being pushy about buying things!) were reshaping my impressions.

Lana returned with two tiny plastic cups half full of steaming black coffee. Nothing wimpy about that coffee! She smiled and stirred and I smiled back and inhaled deeply, making “mmm” noises. Then brought it to my lips…and tasted…whoa!!! Coffee with an attitude!!! It was good, too. But I could see why they only serve it two ounces at a time! So now I know why I didn’t feel sleepy today…

We talked just a little more until our conversation sort of fizzled out. Priscilla and Deb came back. I wanted to get a picture with my new friend, but she had gone out of the room. So we went on to another store, my heart light and soaring.

I’ve been asking God what He has for me here as far as sharing the gospel goes. It could be easy to sort of hide away and occupy myself with the kids and not really attempt much else. I know Rzhishchiv will be different, but here in Kiev, how do you go about actually meeting people?

Deb and I were down at the beach (by the river) with the kids on Monday and saw lots and lots of people sprawled all over the beach, obviously in a pretty lost condition. I was there to play with the kids and have a refreshing swim, and that was good, but I was wondering, "God, how would You reach all these people?"

I know that there’s a place for street evangelism, or just walking up to people and talking with them, but I don’t know if that’s for everyone. What does He want for me? Not only do I want to practice Russian, I want to make friends, for my sake and theirs. And I want to share the Treasure I have.

So I was asking these questions, and then came today, and Lana…I know it was God’s way of nudging me and saying, “Here’s how…" And out shopping, no less!

I enjoyed being in those shops so much. Deb found some towels and a lot of English books (the stuff at those stores is apparently from humanitarian aid groups, some from Germany or the UK or wherever, so the stuff is marked down but there’s still a cost because of customs or something. Not sure how it works.) There were lots of beautiful skirts, especially. I got to use my “Izvinitye” (Excuse me) and “Skolka” (how much?” a lot.

I found myself just really enjoying it and feeling so at home, even when we got on the dingy old metro, feeling grimy from all the handling. At one point, I told Deb, “I’m just so content.” I’m so grateful that God has brought me here. He knows I have so many issues, but He brought me to this amazing place to deal with them instead of making me stay home until I was perfect :) haha, like that was going to happen! And maybe, in the process, I’ll get to bless the Crowes and show love to others.

It was long past lunch time when we passed McDonalds on the way from the metro to the bus, so Deb ran in and got some ice cream for us (after standing in line for what must have been twenty minutes.) But it was sunny by now, and breezy, and pretty much perfect weather for standing outside and not sweating. The little boys were so incredibly patient. Neither of them whined a lick. And I picked up a new Russian phrase while we stood there…McDonalds’ phrase, “I’m lov’in it,” off the umbrellas outside:

Ya Tse Lyublyu!

Seems to sum it up about right!

Rzhchshiv, Meet Expectations...Expectations, Meet Rzhchishiv

Huh. It's funny that now where I sign into my blog is all in Ukrainian :) I just have to guess at what to click...

There's so much to say about Rz, and I want a warm bath before bed. The cold water is off in Kiev right now, so we've been heating water in a pot to add for bathes. I've been doing cold showers since I go here. Quite invigorating, but I get the feeling I'm just smearing around the the greasiness, you know?

So, we drove out there (about 1 1/2 hour drive) on Sunday around noon, because they meet in the evening instead of morning for church.

I was nervous about it and I guess feeling unsettled because going from Kiev to Rzchishiv was an added culture shock. It's amazing how quickly we adapt ourselves and make a new comfort zone when our usual one is ruptured! The apartment had become friendly and homey to me in less than two days, and I was apprehensive about leaving.

I've had great opportunity to re-bond with baby Noah since I've been here because of these van rides, because there's no carseat, so I get to hold him! He is the most comfortable, docile, lap sitting baby you could ask for. Seriously. He's a little fluffier than a few months ago, and he's really relaxed, so he just lays there basking, which is actually very comforting to me. Sometimes it gets a little sticky and drooly, but it's worth it :)

The Crowes got a van for a few days instead of the rental car, so there was room for all of us. And the seats in the back face each other, so we have a grand old time. On the ride over we handed around cold pizza for lunch and I lodged Noah between Rodgy and me, where he promptly fell fast asleep with his head cocked back. As we got farther into the countryside, the road got crazy and bumpy and we were kind of flying around, so I held him and supported his head so that he wouldn't get whip lash :) Here we are...
We bumped down the road past hay fields and trailing willows, pines, poplars...rolling hills and forests. It's such a rich beauty. The tiny villages look tight and close because of all the underbrush and flowers and narrow roads. They don't believe in lawn mowers here! I love the flamey beds of color...scarlet and fuscia zinnias, yellow and orange marigolds, something dainty and lavender, pale, buttery larkspur, nodding sunflowers, purple petunias, and even some hollyhocks. Out of town, the river is royal blue and broad. Apparently in this area it breaks into a lot of different streams and joins up again later, so there are many islands.

About the house...it's even nicer than I expected! Very modern, it seemed :) I think it's going to be great. The work is very slow, but what's been done is very nice. The kitchen and dining room walls have fresh coats of green paint with white trim, and the cabinets are a pleasant reddish brown. The yard is a clutter of weeds, brick rubble, grape vines, and fruit trees. Fruit trees with fruit on them, which I've rarely seen at home! We even ate a few apricots.

The house was covered every inch in fine white dust mingled with some grit from the work, so everything and everyone was grimy and icky by the time we left. But it was fun to see the new house and imagine living in it (in less than three weeks!) It needs more tile and carpet, as well as hot water and internet. That water gives a whole new meaning to the word "cold!"

We went to the Gollan's around five and my apprehension suddenly heightened as I realized I was walking into a room of strangers. Some of them spoke English and some spoke Ukrainian or Russian or both, and I didn't know who spoke what. And I felt freaked out. Part of it was having been up since 2:30, and that jetlag had picked that opportune time to do it's thing with my mushy brain. I was afraid to close my eyes during the prayer because I was literally drifting off.
But I just sat and listened. And afterwards, it was better because I got to actually meet a few people, which helped eliminate some of the sizing up of the situation. I hate sizing people up, but I'm bound to do it if I never actually talk to them and see what they're really like. I've looked so forward to meeting everyone, and suddenly I was seized with a sort of fear about my expectations.

But I talked with the Gollans just a bit...Angel, a sweet little girl of eight, sidled up to me and introduced herself and said "You must be Cassie. We've heard so much about you" in her Australian accent :) I met the other kids too, and Priscilla greeted me and talked with me a bit, and I felt better. And as I was walking down the stairs, Daniel called out, "You're not what I expected!"

I laughed because that's not the first time I've heard that! In fact, three people have said that to me, and my natural response is, "Well what did you expect?" :) And then I just have to laugh because, thought no one has said it, I get the idea that they thought I would be more bold and outgoing...and here I am, this rather shy, unimpressive sheep! I keep thinking of the verse in Corinthians where Paul says somethings like, "I did not come to you with great power and fine words, but in weakness and with much trembling."

Yep, that's me. But at the same time, it's a delight. Since I've been here, I've been much more free of the pressure to be perfect all the time...in the way I look, what I do, and how I come across to people. That's really exciting to me! I guess in the States everything is so neat and safe and scheduled, and if something is out of line, it had better get fixed. Everything works properly, or should, if you're up to par.

But "par" here is kind of haphazard and crazy. Around me, life is imperfect. There's is no air conditioning and no hot water, the kitchen is so small that I spill everything, the floor is dirty and the road is full of potholes. But I can live with it! And when those little moments of comfort and order come, like a glimpse at the newly painted wall or a look out the window at the shining blue river, or the clean breeze embracing me as I step out the door...well then I'm filled with a wonder I might not notice if things were more "perfect" as a whole. I hope this makes sense.

Just been thinking a lot about expectations and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with them. Obviously, people here who know I'm coming have expectations of me too. We'll probably both surprise and disappoint one another a number of times. Here's a quote from The Shack (not quite done reading it).

(Jesus speaking to the main character)
"You are free to love without an agenda."

That's what I want to do!

Nite, now.

A Glimpse of Kiev

Wow! It's so nice to have all those comments! I don't have much time, but I wanted to write a little something before we go to Rz. for the day/night/tomorrow. I'm really excited to meet the Crowe's friends there, but suddenly I've become nervous because I guess I have these unexpected expectations. Hm. I just want my expectations to be on the Lord. Been thinking on Prov. 10:28.

I've been up since 2:30, and a gross thing happened to me. I chewed up a plastic capsule on accident! On my way here, I stuck a few of the capsules I was taking in a plastic bag with the sesame sticks I was carrying on for a snack.

So last night, when I woke up, I was starving to death because the time at home would've been about an hour after supper. I remembered my snack, so I got up in the dark, found the bag, and dropped a good handful of sesame sticks into my mouth. I chewed and crunched, and then bit down on something pretty hard, sort of plasticky, and extremely nasty tasting!!! It was a raspberry capsule, and it did NOT taste good.

So I spit it out and went on eating a few more handfuls. Then I went back to bed. I tried really hard to be good and go back to sleep, but I just couldn't. And I got hungry again. So, I got out the bag again, grabbed another handful of sesame sticks, and guess what...did it again! Talk about disgusting.

Moral to this story: Never eat snacks in the dark. Better yet, never travel to a foreign country where you'll have such bad jetlag that you wake up in the middle of the night wanting to eat supper because it's supper time where you came from.

No, actually, it's all worth it. Rasberry capsules and all. Last night the Crowes took me downtown to see Kiev. On weekends they close some of the streets around the square so that people can just walk around. It's like we have festivals downtown at home, only here, every summer weekend is a festival because they have to enjoy the weather while they have it! There were hundreds of people milling about, venders selling sun glasses and cheap toys, and young guys dressed like the 80's break dancing. King's Kids would have drooled :) I don't know if break dancing is really my style...it makes me a little uncomfortable, but at the same time, it's pretty fascinating. The Crowe kids loved seeing it.

So here was my favorite part, the fountain. (Finally, some pictures.) They all just wade around in the fountains, which is probably not sanitary, but is a whole lot of fun nontheless!(Brent, me, Bron, Tucker, Broderic)

And here is one of the magnificent statues we saw. They're warrior guardians of some sort. On the high hill near the bridge where we crossed the river, there was a similar statue standing tall sort of like the Statue of Liberty, only it was a guy, and he had wings, and he carried a sword and what looked like a candle. It made me want to cry; it was so majestic and powerful looking, and yet, it was a gentle power. It reminded me very much of our God who is a mighty refuge, who keeps us in the shadow of His wings. I don't have a picture of that one yet, but here's a smaller one...
And here is a flower garden near the fountain...
I takes my breath...God is so beautiful. And then, here is a picture of the people "milling about the square." They were just walking, talking, wading in the fountain, some of them drinking and just hanging out. The air was around 70 degrees at that time, and it felt awesome. Don't get too jealous...in a few months I'll be moaning about frostbite!
After that we had pizza at a nice pizza place called "Cili's" and went home.

Ok, I really do have to go now. I can hear little people playing legos in the other room and I need to figure out what to take with me to Rz. It's so hard to find my things because they are so randomly buried in several different suitcases. I packed everything really tightly, and nothing broke or exploded, but it is definitely a mess now!

Plane Conversations and My Beer-Drinking Angel

Here are things that happened on the trip...

God answered my prayer for conversations! I talked with an Indian lady doctor who plopped down beside me while I was waiting in the Shreveport airport. She gave me her whole philosophy (she’s a Hindu scientist, I think) and really challenged me. The conversation was really intense. We talked about God a lot, but I didn’t say a lot because I didn’t want to argue, and I wasn’t sure what God would have me say. She was much older than me and very sure of herself and extremely good at intellectual argument…not my strong point. But it was exciting to be able to talk about the Lord with a stranger, just like I had prayed. She saw me as weak and naïve, but I know God’s power was still at work in the things I said. Unlike past conversations like that, I didn’t feel pressured to prove anything!

I guess God knew that that conversation had mentally exhausted me, so the next one He gave me was actually really refreshing. And it happened because I did another sort of dumb thing. I journaled on the plane while squeezed between two strangers. It was personal stuff, but I decided it didn’t matter much if they tried to read it since I’d never see either of them again. And what was I going to do, not journal? No way.

So I scribbled and scribbled away, and suddenly, when I turned a page to scribble further, the guy on my right (I think in his 30’s), said, “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help seeing what you’re writing there…are you writing a book or something?” I laughed outright, and felt slightly sheepish. But I had been writing really openly about my thoughts on the book I was reading and about the life I just left behind, heavily mixed with my prayers to God.

So he started talking about the Lord, and because of the things he had read in my journal, we plunged into a very comfortable, enjoyable conversation about life and world history and God and the book of Revelations and all sorts of things. It went on for 4 1/2hours! He would ask me about things I had written, because obviously, not knowing me, he was wondering about some of my ideas. He seemed to be a pretty solid believer, and I had that weird feeling of meeting someone familiar in a strange land. I guess that’s what the body of Christ is like. It was really uplifting, and it made my longest flight pass quickly, so I really took it as a gift.

On the plane from Amsterdam, stuck between a nice Ukrainian girl and a rather garrulous Ukrainian sailor, I got my first clue that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore, Toto…I had made several friends on other flights and met people who really helped me out, whether it was hoisting my luggage into the overhead compartment, finding a terminal map, giving directions, or repeating to me what the garbled instruction over intercom were. So by this time I just thought the world must be full of nice, helpful people :)

I talked with Yulia, the girl, for a while, and then she and the sort of scruffy sailor leaned across me and my seat and rattled on in Russian for a long time while I dozed off and on. The guy kept drinking beer, and the smell was making me a bit ill. Then Yulia reported that had he said I would be a lot more attractive if I had longer hair. I just kind of laughed…I sort of counted being unattractive to him a plus. I could’ve told him he would be more attractive if his breath didn’t reek of beer…but, being me, I didn’t say that.

So the ride ended, and the guzzling sailor got my luggage down for me, which redeemed him a little. So I went through the airport, which was small and full of Ukrainian people with much less luggage than I had. I felt like I had a big red sign on my forehead that said the Ukrainian equivalent of “Gringo.”

I struggled and fumbled around with the luggage, just going one step at a time with the paperwork and luggage and not really feeling fearful. But the luggage was hard to deal with, and it was a while before I could get a cart. There was no way I could move it myself! I was heaving it one piece at a time and dragging it to my pile. As I stooped to grab the last piece, I caught a whiff of something familiar...the sickening beer smell…and I looked up to see my, um, “friend.”

I said hi and then walked away, but a few minutes later he came over to where I was standing at a kiosk staring at a declaration form with a really confused look on my face. He said “Here, here, let me help.” And he tried to help, but that was confusing too. I asked him which way the customs desk was, and suddenly he just handed me a declaration form, pushed his luggage into a corner, and said, “Come with me. I’ll talk and you just show them your passport.”

During this interchange I was thinking “Is it safe to even be talking with this guy? And now I’m going to follow him?” I felt like having a Red Riding Hood moment like the one in Hoodwinked where she looks up at the wolf and says “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” But I didn’t. He wasn't drunk, at least, for all that beer, and he was pushing my cart toward customs, where I needed to go anyway, so I went, just praying…

We didn’t even take my luggage to the desk. He went over to the lady and talked to her sort of confidentially and then came back to me, and said “Let’s go, let’s go.” I had determined I was NOT going anywhere besides where I already needed to go, and there were lots of people around. It happened so fast. Within three minutes of getting to customs he had pushed my cart through the double doors into the crowd and, catching the closing doors with his foot, said “I have to go back; my luggage is in there.” And then he was gone, and I was standing there holding my stamped passport, stunned, like I had just been guided through by an angel. A boozing angel, at that!

After waiting a while at the windows, Bruce and Bron came and took me home, and that was that...

P.S. I just ate some raisin yogurt! It was very weird but very yum! The yogurt and cheese have a similar strong flavor that is really good.

I'm Here!

I'm in Ukraine!! I have a lot to tell about the journey itself, but lets suffice it to say I conquered, (you know what "I" really means), and I'll tell more of the story tomorrow or whenever I manage to get out of bed...about my unlikely angel, the conversations, the fun little jogs through the airport. I made friends at every turn, it seems. God was just there at every step.

I don't have any words for Kiev right now, so I'll save that for later...It's so good to be with the Crowes again :)